When jokes
What's the same thing between a baby and a grenade?
They both make a sound when thrown.
What’s it called when you give an emo some rope as a present?
Murder.
What was OceanGate's biggest regret?
Not painting Dylan Mulvaney on the side of the Titan submarine for when it sunk like Bud Light's profits.
I'm not saying I'm ugly...
But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.
What did the cops say when someone called him racist?
"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."
Memes
How can Canada be one of the most educated countries when Canadians are unable to correctly spell "analyse", "programme", and "aluminium"?
You're so poor that when you walked into an elevator, you thought it was a mobile home.
That awkward moment when a fat kid says, “That’s how I roll.”
You're so skinny, when you did your first jump on a pogo stick you would never come back.
Yo mama so fat, when she walked past the TV, I missed three episodes.
When does the slowest person go as fast as a train?
When he is on the train.
When I saw a kid fall with no legs, I said, "Just walk it off!"
Your momma is so old, when she went to the antique store, they wouldn't let her leave.
What does Joe Biden say to young girls when he leaves the room?
"Smell ya later!"
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
What did the diver say when he was trapped in seaweed?
- Kelp!
What did the koala do when he was too educated?
He ran away from koalapidia.
Teachers: Whenever there’s a school shooting, hide under the desk.
Students: Hiding under desk.
Shooter: Well, no one’s in here!
What do you call it when an orphan takes a picture?
A family portrait.
Sometimes when I think I'm ugly, I just think of my sister and it makes me feel better.