When jokes
What did the 9/11 survivor say when he went back to his family? "You won't believe it! The Twin Towers became conjoined twins when it happened!"
My lesbian friends bought me a gold timepiece for my birthday.
But, I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch!"
When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.
What do noodles and women have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
There were two when we were kids, but now it’s a touchy subject.
Shep
How can Canada be one of the most educated countries when Canadians are unable to correctly spell "analyse", "programme", and "aluminium"?
Most women are like the Twin Towers.
It's all fun and good when guys fly through them, but once the little people come jumping off them, it becomes sad and awful.
Why were the Twin Towers mad when they ordered pepperoni pizza?
Because they got plane.
Yo mama so ugly,
my screen cracked when she took her photo!
When I saw a kid fall with no legs, I said, "Just walk it off!"
I saw a fat woman at the bus stop today, so I asked her, "When's it due?"
She replied, "I'm not fucking pregnant, you rude prick!"
I said, "I meant the bus, you fat cunt!"
I'm not saying I'm ugly...
But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.
What's the same thing between a baby and a grenade?
They both make a sound when thrown.
What do you call it when a bunch of guys who look the same have an orgy?
A doppelgangbang.
What does a Jewish man say when he sees a caricature of his face?
"We need to circumcise that one."
What do spiders and Black people have in common?
When they’re black, they kill you.
You're so skinny, when you did your first jump on a pogo stick you would never come back.
What does Joe Biden say to young girls when he leaves the room?
"Smell ya later!"
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
You're so fat,
when you stepped on the scale,
Buzz Lightyear came out and said,
"To infinity and beyond!"