When jokes

What was OceanGate's biggest regret?

Not painting Dylan Mulvaney on the side of the Titan submarine for when it sunk like Bud Light's profits.

My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.

What's the same thing between a baby and a grenade?

They both make a sound when thrown.

What does a stick say when it falls down? "Wood you help me up?"

What do you get when you cross a belt and a watch?

A waist of time.

What is it called when 21 Savage and 6ix9ine fight: Alien vs. Predator?

What did the diver say when he was trapped in seaweed?

- Kelp!

Question: What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?

Answer: Damn!

Yo mama so stupid, when she was in court and the judge said, "Order, order," she said, "Pizza."

What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?

“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”

Kid: I want to be Batman.

Okay, when he gets home, his parents are dead.

What do you get when you eat a hamburger?

Mustard gas.

When I was going downstairs, Sum Ting Wong fell, and doctors say Sum Ting Wong happened.

Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.

It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.

Get your mind together!

What did the cops say when someone called him racist?

"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."

When you reconstruct Michael Jackson and Lil Nas X to wreak havoc on preschool.

What do you call Dominos when it doesn't know how to cook pizza?

Domi-don't-knows...

My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex. Guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted to watch.

Shrek once went to the movies and when he sat down he felt this slimy and sticky feeling on the chair, so he stood up and complained about his chair being dirty... until he realized that he forgot to wipe earlier... so he stopped complaining and went back to his chair and sat back down.

One day, a kid walks up to their mom and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a daisy landed on your head." The second kid asks, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a butterfly landed on your head." Then you hear, "Ooooooooohahbfisbfsdkf."

"Shut up, Brick!"