When jokes

What time is it when you get home? Can you walk walk and a car and get home and get a walk home and get a dog 🐕? Today is the night I can drive.

Your forehead goes back to when Burger King was Burger Prince.

What's red, six inches long, and made my girlfriend cry when I fed it to her?

Her miscarriage.

What do you call it when you are very sad in Panera Bread?

Panera Dread.

I told my mom that I have a crush. She replied with: "So you like girls?" I said: "Uhm no no no." BUT I'm lesbian. Someone help, how do I tell her without her hitting me with a belt?

When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

If chickens wake up when the rooster crows, then when do ducks wake up?

At the quack of dawn.

How long does it take a baby to cook in the microwave?

I don't know. I close my eyes when I masturbate.

Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.

Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!

What did the explorer say when he got tired?

I'm gonna take a map.

You're so short, when it rains you're the last one to know.

When I'm cutting my grass, want to know what it reminds me of? My arms and legs.

Attention to everyone, I'm not going to be on for 2 weeks because I was in a bike accident, or more like a motorcycle accident. I was ran off the road when my 16 year old brother was taking me for a ride. Now I can't use my legs cause, well, you know. I will be taking a break because I don't want to move my legs that much.

What do you call it when a gorilla bumps uglies with an orangutan?

Monkeypox.

What did Stevie Wonder see when he got murdered?

Nothing.

My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.

Me: What did my sister do when she dressed up as Elsa and I gave her a balloon?

You: What?

Me: She let it go, let it go!

What flour do orphans use when baking? Self-Raising (Rising).

Yo mama so dumb, when the doctor told her she had coronavirus, she bought a new laptop.

Me: Why do you need to use shampoo when you are already bald? 🤣