When jokes

I was exploring the Dubai trophy factory when someone came crashing in. It was him, Pristiano Penaldo. He held the workers at gunpoint, forcing them to make him another plastic Mickey Mouse award or he will dive and sue them for assaulting him. Shame on you, pendu!

Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?

So that when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.

Your forehead goes back to when Burger King was Burger Prince.

I was at the bar late last night when a waitress screamed, "Anyone know CPR?" I said, "Shit, I know all the letters of the alphabet." Everyone laughed, well, except for this one guy.

When you get mad, just punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their mom?

I decided that I'll end it all, but when I drove off, I remembered I forgot to do the dishes.

When the doctor asks you what your zodiac sign is,

You respond: "cancer."

Doctor says: "Well, what a coincidence!"

Me: Are you okay?

Dentist: I'm just a bit surprised. When I said to you "spit it out," I wasn't expecting you to say you've been shagging my wife.

People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.

When you're going 80 km in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screams.

"Lizzie Borden took an axe. And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one."

So, I took a poop outside. When I was done, I wiped and got it on my finger. After that, I had Nutella, and I thought the poop on my hand was Nutella, and I licked it. I said, "Daddy chill, what in the heck is this crap?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

What did Steven Hawking say when the WiFi cut out?.........Nothing.

Q. What do you get when you cross a mentally disabled person with a pedophile? A. Jeffy Epstein.

So, I was in the church the other day, raping this woman, when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?

"Oh my God, you're such a beach!"

Where do bunnies go when they're sick?

The hoppital.

I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it goes to get the milk yet never comes back.

Miss you dad.

What turns a girl on more than having sex with her?

When she finds out that you have a vibrator too.