When jokes
When you know that everyone thinks you're a hoe.
WHEN Y'ALL ARE MY HOES!
I laughed when I realized that my suicide letter is way longer than my sibling's college essay.
What do you call it when a town on the south coast of England sprouts legs and starts walking around the country?
A walkie-Torquay.
I played catch with my friends, but they keep going to sleep when I throw it.
Yo mama so fat, when she jumped, I didn’t laugh, but the floor cracked up.
What do hospitals do when they receive donor organs? They organize them.
Just a joke: When Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said, "It'll get better, just walk it off!"
A zebra couldn't find any grass. Then he saw a monkey cooking. He thought to steal a little, but he was burned in the fore, and the smoke was all over him. But when he went to the ocean, it was still there, and zebras are stuck in this style forever.
When other people tell a joke, 3/3 people laugh.
When I tell a joke, 1/3 people laugh, but 2/3 people stare into my soul.
There were 5 cows on a farm, one mom and 4 calves.
The first calf goes up to the mom and says, "Momma, why is my name Rose?"
The mother cow replies, "Well sweetie, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."
The second calf walks up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?", to which the mom replies "Well honey, when you were born, a single lily petal fell on your head."
The third calf walks up, but before it can get a word out, the fourth calf screams at the top of its lungs. The mother cow yells, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"
What happened when your parents dropped you off at the orphanage? They got sued for littering.
When you see a deer, what do you say?
"Oh deer!"
My best friend is black. It really pissed me off when my mom sold him.
Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."
Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."
Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."
My last thought: Am I a murderer?
What did the parrot say when it saw a duck?
"Polly want a quacker!"
Worst joke ever.
When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.
When you ask the cashiers for the specials menu, and they bring out the autistic kid, blind kid, and Down syndrome kid.
That moment when the disabled kid has to take the Pacer test.
My family chastises me for MY job, but you should hear how my family provides "customer service" at their jobs. My mother works as a social worker and answers the phone like, "DYFS, you beat em, we treat em." My grandmother is a Medical Examiner and she answers the phone like, "City Morgue, you kill em, we chill em." These bitches have no class! I'm an actress and studio secretary. When you call the studio, I answer the phone professionally like, "Good afternoon. IHOP, International House Of Pussy. Creampie Cassie speaking."
Everything is now so expensive in Africa that witches don’t serve food in dreams again. Am I lying? Okay, when last did you eat in your dreams?