When jokes
Q: What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A: A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.
What does Michael say when he laughs? He he.
So I told the officer, "I can't even walk when I'm sober."
What did the man say when he swallowed a clock and tried to go to the bathroom?
WATCH OUT!!!
Q: What did the chemist say when he found two isotopes of Helium?
A: HeHe.
What time is it when you get home and you walk, walk home and walk, walk home?
Your mama so fat, when Pennywise said, "We all float down here," he saw her and suddenly knew he was mistaken.
What happens to grapes when you step on them? They wine.
What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?
Predator 2.
Yo mama is so ugly that the Grinch fell out when he saw her!
What’s the best song to play when visiting Africa?
"Have You Ever Seen the Rain?"
What does a plug do when he's horny?
He jacks off!
As an actor going to film a new TV show in another country, when TSA asks, "What’s the purpose of your visit?"... "I’m going to shoot a pilot" is never a good answer.
When you're sad, don't feel down about yourself. Break a leg, and you'll forget all about it.
My lesbian friends bought me a gold timepiece for my birthday.
But, I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch!"
My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realized she has dyslexia.
"Sir, we noticed a 2-year gap in your resume."
"That was when I went to Yale."
"A Yale man? Well, you're hired!"
"Thanks! I really need this yob!"
A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"
What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?
An erection!
I went to the pharmacy the other day. I tried to buy a pack of condoms, but I pretended I didn't have enough money to mess with the cashier.
I went back into the aisles of the store, got a pack of rubber bands and plastic wrap, bought them, and walked out. I loved the look on the cashier's face when they saw my decision.