When jokes

What turns a girl on more than having sex with her?

When she finds out that you have a vibrator too.

"Luck of the Irish my ass, I just blew a tranny and an engine in my truck both in the same week... Boy it really ruined my day when they found out about each other."

A blond-haired girl, a brown-haired girl, and a ginger-haired girl were out walking when they came across some tracks.

The brown-haired girl looked at them and said, "I think they are elephant tracks."

Then the ginger-haired girl looked at the tracks and said, "No way, they are definitely duck tracks."

Finally, the blond-haired girl bent down to examine the tracks when she got hit by the train.

Yo mama so hairy that when she go to the hair salon they say, "No pets allowed."

How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s penis.

What do you get when you put 2 nuns and a blond on a football field? 2 tight ends and a wide receiver.

The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.

It's only okay to beat up a dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say, "Your hair smells nice."

What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"

I was walking down the street when I saw this dude just vibing. He was telling every guy that walked by if his dick was bigger than theirs, they have to give him 50 bucks.

Long story short, I walked away with 100 bucks that day.

What did the blonde say when I told a rape joke?

"Can you show me what rape is?"

I'm treated like God when I'm home, I'm usually ignored until someone wants something.

Q: Where did Sally go when the bomb went off?

A: Everywhere.

Yo mama is so ugly, when there was a tornado, the tornado refused to suck her up.

Your hairline goes so far back it went back to when Earth was created.

My young son saw Trump on TV. He asked, "Why is the man on TV painted orange?" I replied, "Son, when Russia pays that much for equipment, they don't want it to rust."

One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,

"What part of the dog did you get?"

When is a rapist safe around children?

When his plans are oven ready.

You're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.

Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?

A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.