When jokes
So, my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store. When I get there, there’s a sign, but then someone tells me that’s just someone with a ginormous forehead.
What did the customer ask when he went to the cannibal restaurant?
"Who's the special today?"
What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?
"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"
When was the last time you could see your whole body in the mirror?
What did Michael Scott say to someone when he passed a plate of vegetables?
Boom! Roasted!
Yo mama so fat, when she had an interview for NASA, they said, "We don't hire planets."
Sometimes when I'm sad, I remember I have a big dick.
But when?
Jonny went fishing and he didn’t know how to cast his pole, and he asked his friend Joe how to cast it. Then when he cast, he only cast 3 feet, and he never learned how to do it.
When I dunk my cookies in milk, I think of you. I hold them down until the bubbles stop.
You're so fat that when you got to McDonald's, they had to call Wendy's for backup.
When you know you have a gay friend, but you find out that they like you!
When Drake was making the song "Back to Back," he was referring to your hairline.
Your hairline so bad that when your teacher puts you to sit in the front of the class, your hairline be all the way in the back.
It was raining sadly all day. My wife, my two daughters, and me were stuck in the house when wife’s mom and dad just died.
Wife: 😭😭😭I wish this never happened.
Mia, our first daughter: Mommy, it’s ok. I love whenever I see you🥰🥰
Abby, our second daughter: I love you all. Only if you guys die I won’t, but I love you when you're alive 😉😏
Me, husband: What kind of nonsense was that? You love us when we’re alive, but you don’t love us when we’re dead🤥😥😓
Everyone except Abby: Abby, this is serious. Mommy’s mother and father died. Mia says: Yes, your mom is sadly down right now, you made her more sad😡🤬. Dad says: *sniffs* Abby, I had made a discussion. I will take you to an orphanage. I am sorry 😣 when I am better and happy and I forgot what you said then we’ll get you back. Mom says:
This was not a joke. I just did this for Love 💕
My girlfriend is so fat that when she runs or walks, she falls, so I am breaking up with you.
🙍🏼♀️Fat girlfriend: Nooo, don’t leave me, catch me, ahhh!
🙇🏼♀️Fat girlfriend falls on boyfriend: Ahhhhhh *dump*
🙇🏼♀️🙇🏼Fat girlfriend and boyfriend: Fat girlfriend: U didn’t catch me wawawawa. Boyfriend: Get off me, 900 pounds, ugh, I hate u!
Story done. Please like.
I got kicked out of Social Studies class when my teacher made us watch a women's rights documentary. When he asked us what the genre of the film was, I put my hand up and said "Fiction."
My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...
What happened?
Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
Q: When a chip gets popped, what happens to it?
A: It gets pooped out of the bag.
I went to a store to get milk, but when I got home, there were a million cows waiting for milk, so they killed me.