Whats jokes
What do you call an American house?
A gun safe.
What’s long, green, and smells like bacon?
Kermit the frog’s fingers.
"What did one wall say to the other?"
"I'll meet you at the corner!"
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”
I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine? Anyone know what he means?
What do you call a bird orgy?
No bird control.
Memes
MORE DAD JOKES
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, flags big plus.
Q. What's Jeffery Dahmer's favorite song?
A. "Pieces of You."
What did the skeleton get when he saw goth girls?......A boner.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One says, "God is my father." The other says, "Who's the father and who is my son?"
What do pedophiles do when they wake up?
Turn on the child safety lock on the car.
Sans, you lazybones, get up and do something.
Sans: I am doing something.
Papyrus: Oh yeah, what?
Sans: Thinking up a skele-ton of jokes.
Papyrus: SANSSSsSsSsSssSsSSsSsSsSSsSSsSsSsS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will end you.
Sans: What, does someone not have a funny bone? Oh wait, do you have a bone to pick with me? I have 206.
A man is sitting in a chair. He is talking to the other friend about what they must cherish.
One says he cherishes his family, the other cherishes his parents, and a man comes in, points at the chair and says, “I CHAIRish my Chair” as he pulls up a chair.
What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?
A Ba-na-na-na! (To the tune of Beethoven's 5th symphony)
What is Mr. Incredible's biggest fan now called? Down Syndrome :)
If Bugs Bunny had Down Syndrome:
"Meeeehh, what's up, Downs?"
What is black and white?
Probably Mexican history.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of kids drowning.
What did the poo say to the fart:
You blow me away!
Me: "I came home laughing."
Parents: "What's wrong?"
Me: "The teacher asked everyone a question. Luckily, I was the only one who knew."
Parents: "Good for you, Johnny. What was the fantastic question your teacher gave everyone and only you knew?"
Me: "Well, it's kinda complicated, but here it goes."
Parents: "What is it?"
Me: "Who farted?"
What is a group of disabled people in a coma called?
A salad.