My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.
That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Last week was my BLIND friend's birthday. I thought I would give him something really good that he may need. As I walk into his house and give him a cheese grader for a birthday present he sets it next to him. As weeks past he comes up to me. He said " That present that you gave me for my birthday was the most intense book I has ever read"
Why can't you have a tall dog... You will have pup's in a week
I really like those 'driverless cars'. I saw loads of them last week, in the car park.
I’m still wearing the smile you gave me last week :)
yo hair so big it took me weeks to find the needle in it
If BlessedBrian were ANY LESS intelligent, he’d have to be WATERED twice a week.
A man walks into an AA meeting and asks for a roadmap.
Y'all catch me up, what's going on on this website because I haven't been on for, like, 2 weeks?
After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer.
The woman goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against the man and explains why.
I’m going back to the house to get some stuff for my dad, and then I’m going to have a car and a birthday party come up for the weekend at the end of the week. I was going to get my birthday cake for the day.
Queen Elizabeth died a couple weeks ago. I'm still trying to find the reboot catd.
A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."
The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"
The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."
Mbu some guys look financially stable until you start dating them... Mbu wait I see how this week goes...🤔
Last week I went on a whale watch.
After everyone had piled onto a boat, they loaded the boat onto a trailer and drove to your house.
What's a rapper's favorite day of the week?
FREESTYLE FRIDAY!
Two men are sitting at a coffee table.
Mike: "I think I might have a drinking problem."
Joe: "Why do you say that?"
Mike: "Well, last week I got so drunk I blew chunks."
Joe: "That's nothing to be ashamed of; we all drink a little too much sometimes."
Mike: "No, you don't understand. Chunks is my dog's name."
Q) Why did the uncle sleep with his own nephew?
A) Cuz the boy wouldn't stop talking about Donald Trump every single weekend.
Today I saw my son lick out a tub of butter. I told him to make a sandwich without butter for a week (as a punishment). He said, "Okay," and licked the bread. "It's really easy to spread," he said. LOL!
Last week I found out my toaster is waterproof.
