Want jokes

This year my friends wanted to dress up as crayons for Halloween. They asked me if I wanted to be a tan crayon. I didn’t want to, but I said yes to be nice. I wish I had said no, because now I look like a dick to everyone else.

You want to hear a dirty joke?

This guy and this girl were having sex when the guy's boss called to ask why he wasn't at work. The guy responds, "I'm sick." His boss replies, "You don't sound sick." The guy says, "I'm fucking my sister" and hangs up the phone.

Why do tigers have stripes? They don't want to be spotted.

Why do people want emo grass? Because it'll cut itself.

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

I ran over an emo yesterday? I wanted to let him see pitch black.

I threw a lamp at an emo? I tried to lighten up his day.

Dad: Son, who do you want to marry when you grow up?

Son: A ugly girl.

Dad: Why not a pretty girl?

Son: A pretty one might run away.

Dad: So an ugly one might too.

Son: Yeah, but who cares?

Why did the scientist want to take off his doorbell?

Because he wanted to win the no-bell prize.

If I wanted to commit suicide, I would climb up to your ego, and then jump down to your IQ.

Do you want to play Titanic?

When I say iceberg, you go down on me.

Them: You want some Lucky Harms?

Me: What are Lucky Harms?

Them: They're Lucky Charms, but instead of being magically delicious, they're magically malicious.

Lost my virginity to a down syndrome the other day... only cause I wanted my first time to be special.

I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

A 10-year-old: "I don't want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn't think I'm happy 24/7."

A 10-year-old, a week later: "Damn... my life is shitty..."

<2 years later> 12-year-old: "What is de-pre-ssion?" *googles it*

Now 14-year-old: "Oh..."

I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat.

She said nothing, so I took her to Africa.

Why do orphans want to be communist?

So they would have a motherland.

What's the difference between a phone and a girl? You can turn it off whenever you want.

A man asked his girlfriend what she wanted to eat one night, and she said "Chinese food," so he took her to China. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Indian," so he took her to India. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Nothin'," so he took her to Africa.

Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

Because they don't want to be mistaken as feminists.

What is the difference between an orphan and a criminal?

Criminals are wanted.