Vision jokes
Q: How do you blind a woman?
A: You put a windshield in front of her.
Doctor: You need new glasses.
Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.
Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.
If a CEO goes blind, are they just an EO?
God sent a kid to the principal's office for giving a blind kid sunglasses and said, "Don't let the sun damage your eyes!"
Breaking news: Man with Alzheimer's forgets he's blind and recovers from visual impairment.
Why doesn’t Helen Keller go to the optometrist?
Because she’s dead.
How do you blindfold an Asian?
You use dental floss.
A man walks into a bar and ends up with a concussion.
Maybe if he looked where he was going, he wouldn’t have hit that pole.
Why is "dark" spelled with a K and not a C?
Because you can't see in the dark.
Why did I trip over your foot?
Because you were so short I couldn’t see you!
What are the similarities between a blind person and an orphan?
Neither can see their parents.
Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
What do you call a German that can not see?
A Not-see.
Why did the cellphone get glasses? Because it lost its contacts!
A married woman asked her husband if he saw the future. The husband answered her, "I have no eye, dear."
You dream in 4K.
Your forehead is so big that you can see the whole world before you do!
A guy stuffed some cigarettes up his eyes thinking it would make him see colors.
The next day, he could see only one color... black.
Wanna see something dark?
Close your eyes.
Q. What color were Mohammed Atta’s eyes?
A. Blue, one blue this way and one blue the other way.