Vision jokes

Doctor: You need new glasses.

Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.

Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.

God sent a kid to the principal's office for giving a blind kid sunglasses and said, "Don't let the sun damage your eyes!"

Breaking news: Man with Alzheimer's forgets he's blind and recovers from visual impairment.

What do you call a dear with no eyes?

I have no eye deer!

If a CEO goes blind, are they just an EO?

Why doesn’t Helen Keller go to the optometrist?

Because she’s dead.

A man walks into a bar and ends up with a concussion.

Maybe if he looked where he was going, he wouldn’t have hit that pole.

Wanda and Daredevil have so much in common.

They both wear red, they're both in Marvel, and they both lost their Vision!

You dream in 4K.

A married woman asked her husband if he saw the future. The husband answered her, "I have no eye, dear."

Your forehead is so big that you can see the whole world before you do!

A guy stuffed some cigarettes up his eyes thinking it would make him see colors.

The next day, he could see only one color... black.

Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.

Why did I trip over your foot?

Because you were so short I couldn’t see you!

What are the similarities between a blind person and an orphan?

Neither can see their parents.

When someone calls me ugly, I get sad and hug them.

I know life can be difficult for those with weak vision.

Q. What color were Mohammed Atta’s eyes?

A. Blue, one blue this way and one blue the other way.

Wanna see something dark?

Close your eyes.

Why did the cellphone get glasses? Because it lost its contacts!

Why did an old man fall in a well?

Because he couldn't see that well.