Vision jokes

Doctor: You need new glasses.

Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.

Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.

What do you call a dear with no eyes?

I have no eye deer!

God sent a kid to the principal's office for giving a blind kid sunglasses and said, "Don't let the sun damage your eyes!"

Breaking news: Man with Alzheimer's forgets he's blind and recovers from visual impairment.

If a CEO goes blind, are they just an EO?

Why doesn’t Helen Keller go to the optometrist?

Because she’s dead.

A man walks into a bar and ends up with a concussion.

Maybe if he looked where he was going, he wouldn’t have hit that pole.

How do you blindfold an Asian?

You use dental floss.

What do you call a German that can not see?

A Not-see.

Why did I trip over your foot?

Because you were so short I couldn’t see you!

When someone calls me ugly, I get sad and hug them.

I know life can be difficult for those with weak vision.

What are the similarities between a blind person and an orphan?

Neither can see their parents.

Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.

Wanda and Daredevil have so much in common.

They both wear red, they're both in Marvel, and they both lost their Vision!

A guy stuffed some cigarettes up his eyes thinking it would make him see colors.

The next day, he could see only one color... black.

A married woman asked her husband if he saw the future. The husband answered her, "I have no eye, dear."

You dream in 4K.

Your forehead is so big that you can see the whole world before you do!

Wanna see something dark?

Close your eyes.

Q. What color were Mohammed Atta’s eyes?

A. Blue, one blue this way and one blue the other way.