Violence jokes
I’d make a rape joke, but I don't wanna force that on you too.
Who would win in a fight, in a boxing ring? Mike Tyson or Helen Keller with a Tommy gun?
Mike Tyson. Helen Keller never heard the bell.
Why do black people have nightmares? Because the last person who had a dream got shot.
What do you call a terrorist attack in Iraq? A selfie!
What do you call a fat chick with a rape whistle?
Optimistic.
Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?
A. He marks the camels that kick.
Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?
They are more open-minded.
Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.
For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
What is the best thing about being back?
Free bullets.
I was walking down the street one day, and I passed the gun store. I walked in, and everything was half off. I didn't know back-to-school sales had started already!
What is the difference between a broom and a mop?
It’s hard to beat my girlfriend when she’s holding the mop.
What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?
Target practice.
What do you do to a deaf girl after you’re done fucking her?
Break her fingers so she can’t tell anyone.
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
"A llahu Aks into a bar..."
And it blows up!
You can't lose Kahoot if you "kashoot" the class first.
Jace: Haha, I won, dude. You suck at Monopoly!
Timmy: Let's play another game. *GUNSHOT* I guess I won!
Jace: *SCREAMS IN PAIN*
Timmy: What? I thought we were playing Chutes and Ladders!
What's worse than ten babies stapled to a tree?
A baby stapled to ten trees.
I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.