Violence jokes
If I had 10 dino nuggies and Jamal tried to take one, I would have ten dino nuggies and Jamal's head.
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other is just a watermelon.
Do nothing about people falling down the stairs, it will keep happening.
Put razor blades on the stairs, it will be their last time falling down the stairs.
When you want to commit suicide, just say "Allahu Akbar," there will definitely be a blast.
What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it'll die.
A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE FUCK FUCKED MY WIFE!”
A man in the back responds, “YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”
Why did the school shooter earn extra points?
Because he was on a kill streak.
What is red and white and goes 200 mph?
A baby in a blender.
When the person who killed JFK heard "headshot."
What did the terrorist say to the 72 virgins?
"Just so you know, 5 inches is REALLY big!"
I saw identical twins. I threw a paper plane at them.
Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"
Don't break someone's heart. They only have one.
Break someone's bones. They have 206 of them.
My teacher told me, "You have no idea how powerful this quote is." I looked at her and told her, "You don't know how powerful the shotgun in my bookbag is."
Q. What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?
A. The little girl in my trunk.
I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.
An assassin is about to shoot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience."
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help her check her balance.
So I pushed her over.