Violence jokes

Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times?

He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.

What's white, red, and screams a lot?

A baby in a blender.

If she refuses to suck and threatens to bite, just knock her teeth out. Call it the “Bloody Gummer”.

My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.

What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.

When I'm bored, I like to slap orphans. I mean, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?

When you steal the weird pet rock, so he pulls out his pet Glock.

How do you blow up an Indian? Press the red dot in the middle of their forehead!

🤣😂😆😁

Why did the woman feel ugly?

A. Nobody would even rape her.

What does a woman do when she leaves the battered women's shelter?

"Cook my dinner, if she knows what's good for her."

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other is just a watermelon.

What do you call a nine year old with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

I pushed an orphan in a wheelchair into a fire and yelled, "Hot wheels!"

Q: How many dead babies does it take to paint the wall?

A: Depends how hard you throw them.

What has more brains than a student in a school shooting? The wall behind them.

If raping someone is sexual harassment, then is raping a rapist inverted harassment?

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help her check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?

A boner.

I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised when I saw on the news that there was a school shooting in my shooting range. I don't know who snitched...

A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.