Violence jokes

How do rapists justify murdering a young innocent human being?

Same way as pro-aborts, by saying "My body, my choice!"

What's black and white and red all over????? A zebra in a blender!

So, I was raping this girl the other night, and she said, "Please just think of my kids!" I was like, "What a freak."

Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.

Never break someone’s heart, they only have one.

Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

What's a fetus' favorite gun? A micro SMG.

One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!

What's the difference between football and rape? Women don't like football.

How do you know if a rapist loves you?

He will rape you many times.

What do parents feeding their kids and terrorists have in common?

“Here comes the airplane!”

I would never slap a woman, then I’d be destroying property.

Roses are red, violets are blue, if you take Kirby’s food, he will stab you.

What’s the difference between a police man and a bullet?

At least when a bullet kills someone, it’s actually fired.

The Virgin Mary wasn't a virgin; she was a prostitute. God raped her.

Two friends fighting.

Friend 3: "Cut it out, you two!"

Friend 4: "It wouldn't help if they cut it out... Believe me... I've tried..."

When I was young, I got bullied by two kids, and whenever I got hit to the ground, I would get back up and cry. Then I had the courage to fight back, except they didn't get back up.

Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!

What's worse than Sally in a trash can? Sally in thirteen trash cans.

What's Adam's biggest fear?

Andy with a belt.

Teacher: Tell me a moral story.

Little Johnny: Once my grandfather was in WW2. He saw everyone praising to kill him. For example, we should sneak up and kill him. We get the helicopter above and shoot him from there. My grandfather heard this, he got his gun and shot them all.

Teacher: What is the moral even?

Little Johnny: Never plan to kill my grandfather.

A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let's hear" said the teacher.

"My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit." "She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife." "She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops." "She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

Pin drop silence in the class!

"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

"Stay away from Mummy when she's drunk...!!!!"