Violence jokes
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how big they are and how hard you throw them.
I like my women like I like my eggs.
Beaten against a table until her insides come out.
How do you make a cat sound like a dog?
You set it on fire; then it goes, "WOOF!"
What's the best way to get ten babies in a bowl?
A blender.
What's the best way to get them out?
A blender.
First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!" SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?" HE: "I’m a butcher." SHE: "Perfect! I work with humans, I just kill them by cutting them up!"
HE: "So it's you in the newspaper?" SHE: "Yes, it was, wanna be next?" HE: "No!"
What's the difference between a yandere and a gun?
Nothing.
Flip them off the wrong way and you're dead.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them, with fuck.
What did the guy tired of hearing people joke about rape do?
He killed everyone on this f#cking website.
You're walking into a bar and you see 2 younger kids around 18. You call the manager to have them removed, but no one came down.
Later that night, you see the 2 18-year-olds, 1 was a girl and the other was a boy, so you call the manager down. No one came again. You confront them and tell them to leave, but one turns around and hits you. You are knocked out on the floor. When you wake up, there is a hard feeling in your a**. You turn your head around and there is an autistic girl with a strap-on in your a** going full on hard.
Me: Hi, my name is...
Bro: Hey guys! So who are you?
Me: Hey, stop dude!
Bro: How is it going, bro--
Me: SHUT UP!
Bro: Is that a gun?
Me: *Pointing at bro*
Bro: Dude, I'm...
Me: *BANG* *BANG*
Me: Finally, it's over.
What is 1 + 1?
They didn’t tell me. Their stomach is upset.
An autistic kid hit me, so I kicked him back and he died.
Jack and Jill went up to an abandoned house.
Jack drank too much and unzipped his fly. Jack said, "You know you wanna." Jill said, "No." So Jack locked both of them in the house and put a gag in Jill's mouth, tied her to a bed. He ripped off her dress and underwear. He took off his pants and his underwear too, then put on a condom. He then put a pill in her mouth and made her swallow. One minute later she was asleep. He took off her gag and mounted himself on her, then stuck his "candystick" in her mouth, next her fanny. Then his condom broke, but he was too drunk to notice. Nine months later a baby's born and Jack's in jail as the father.
I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.
I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"
He gave me a book.
It was the Quran.
I said, "What the hell is that?"
He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."
Rape is so outdated, but when you pay them money, it is a popular date!
Gun + Backpack = Fun!
I gotta do terrorist :)
George, when I saw your face, I had to shoot you with a Nerf gun. If you died, wimp.
What takes knowledge to do and also takes knowledge away?
Looking down the barrel and pulling the trigger. 😂
The kids at Robb Elementary School went in to read books. Instead, they got dozens of magazines.