Violence jokes

Please don't get mad, it's a joke.

What's the difference between a bullet and a police officer? At least when a bullet kills someone, it's fired.

Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.

Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.

What’s the difference between a police man and a bullet?

At least when a bullet kills someone, it’s actually fired.

"You look like Barney, I'm choking you too, and your face is turning all purple and blue!"

My ex misses me, good thing she'll never hit me.

What's the difference between you and me? You're not strangling a man with a cloak on.

What did the daddy bullet say to his son when he missed the bull and hit something brown and gross?

"That is bull crap!"

If you ever get mad at an orphan, punch them in the face... What are they going to do, tell their parents?

What do you call a terrorist swimming?

A bath bomb!

What do you call a terrorist in a bathtub?

Bathbomb.

I asked a kid why he was so blue.

Didn't realize his parents were choking him out.

My friend: Hey, I got 15 kills!

Me: I got 60 kills!

My friend: I didn't know you played Call of Duty!

Me: What's Call of Duty?

Lynching is just another word for "hanging around."

The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.

How do you kill a retard?

Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"

Why are Americans so good at shooting?

We have the best schools for it.

My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.

Yo mama so ugly even bullets refuse to kill her.

What do Americans call high school?

Shooting range.

What's the difference between an orphan and a watermelon?

One's fun to hit with a sledge hammer; the other's just a watermelon. 😁😁