Violence jokes
What does a baby and a grenade have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.
Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.
Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.
Billy: Dad, I was shot by a sniper!
Dad: Uh...
*hides his rifle*
My ex misses me, good thing she'll never hit me.
"You look like Barney, I'm choking you too, and your face is turning all purple and blue!"
The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.
What do you call a paralyzed kid with a gun?
Special Forces.
What do you call a terrorist in a bathtub?
Bathbomb.
Lynching is just another word for "hanging around."
I asked a kid why he was so blue.
Didn't realize his parents were choking him out.
What do you call a terrorist swimming?
A bath bomb!
My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.
Why are Americans so good at shooting?
We have the best schools for it.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I saw your mom beat you.
What can you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing that you haven't told her twice already.
My friend: Hey, I got 15 kills!
Me: I got 60 kills!
My friend: I didn't know you played Call of Duty!
Me: What's Call of Duty?
If you ever get mad at an orphan, punch them in the face... What are they going to do, tell their parents?
What did the daddy bullet say to his son when he missed the bull and hit something brown and gross?
"That is bull crap!"
What's the difference between you and me? You're not strangling a man with a cloak on.