What's the difference between an orphan and a watermelon?
One's fun to hit with a sledge hammer; the other's just a watermelon. šš
Violence Jokes
What are American schools?
Shooting ranges.
If youāre ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Granny says don't worry, the cries of pain are only my ex-husband's.
I tell a man, "Get me a Glock 19." He comes back with a glove. I was about to shout at him, but then I saw a pistol in his pocket, so I left and thanked him.
Me: Stops the quiet kid from getting bullied.
Him: Don't come to school tomorrow, trust me.
Me: "/"
Hi everyone, my mom got me an iPad today, and this is really cool. Can someone tell me what decapitation is?
Yo mama so ugly even bullets refuse to kill her.
Like a shooter says, "I put the fun in funeral!"
We don't have school shooters; we have special ed breeches.
How do you fit 100 rape victims inside a Mini Cooper?
In the ashtray.
I might slide up to your block with intelligence. I'm a genius with a glock. There's some relevance. Took his chain, took his rocks. Took his sediments. There's no cap inside my speech. No impediments.
Putting numbers on the board, I use my calculator. Put a opp below the floor, he's a denominator. E = mc2, you didn't notice that? Had the shot, but he's too scared. Why didn't he buss it back?
A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let's hear" said the teacher.
"My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit." "She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife." "She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops." "She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
Pin drop silence in the class!
"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"
"Stay away from Mummy when she's drunk...!!!!"
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesnāt seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, letās make sure heās dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
What's the difference between a Black person and a white person?
Black people don't shoot up schools.
(First Person): Knock knock, who's there? (2nd Person): Lemme talk to you, when we finna slide, what we finna do, knock knock, who's there, time to make a move, slayin' all then demons and we gotta move in too.
(Second Person): Knock knock, (1st p): who's there, let me talk to you, be careful where you steppin' out cause you ain't bullet proof, knock knock, who's there? time to make a move, block is full of shooters, and they didn't come to hoop.
What did the rape victim give to her rapist?
Head.
What's worse than a truck full of dead babies? One alive at the bottom.
What if some kid was like, "I'm going to shoot up the school!", and then someone just pulls up with a reverse card?
Hey, What do you want? We broke up like 5 days ago, leave me alone. Ok, first wanna do some things? What kind of things? Illegal things. Like what? Knock you off and hide your body. š¤”š¤”š”
