Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.
For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
What do you call it when Panera Bread decapitates someone?
Panera Behead.
Hitler was talking about how to fight in WW2 when someone sneezed while Hitler was giving a speech, so Hitler yelled, "WHO SNEEZED ROW 1? DID ANYONE SNEEZE?" They said no, and Hitler shot everybody. Same for row 2 & 3, but in row 4 someone nervous said, "Me, I'm sorry." Then Hitler said, "Bless you."
What do Civil War veterans and pedophiles have in common?
They both prefer Minnie (mini) balls.
What is a terrorist's favorite song?
"Pumped Up Kicks."
I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.
What's the difference between life and a rape joke?
Life fucks you until you stop breathing, a rape joke fucks you until it's not funny anymore.
There was this girl on the street that had no arms and no legs. She looked at me and said, “Hey sir, I’ve never been fucked before, will you fuck me?” So I threw her in the ocean and said, “Well, you’re fucked now.”
Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?"
Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me."
The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything."
The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too.'"
My therapist told me, "Time to heal all wounds," so I shot him in the nuts.
Now we wait...
What is a terrorist's first move in chess?
C4.
My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.
Mr. Beast challenge in Memphis be like: last one to survive the shooting wins 1 million dollars.
"Daveon, stop screaming for help because I broke your kneecaps!"
When's the only time a rapeboat is quiet? When he got his uncle's cock in his mouth.
"Rapeboat" has six fingers on each hand and one big eyebrow. Signs of inbreeding.
Why should you wrap your hamsters in duct tape?
So they don't explode when you f*** them.
Quote from Seth no.1: "I would have fought back, but she was seven."
Whats the difference btwn football and rape? Women don't like football.
Why are Americans so shocked when it comes to Mexican drug cartels?
Because none of the drug lords (or their associates, for that matter) have shot up a school.
