Violence jokes

I actually want peace, not war.

That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.

I rule my women with an IRON FIST!!

Yeah, literally an iron that my fist is clenching against her face.

About to go on a date.

But she was late.

So I got some tape.

And eventually punished her with rape.

Did you hear about the bull who went on a shooting rampage?

I guess he was a little deranged.

I recently learned that it's politically incorrect to talk about taking part in a school shooting.

Apparently the term "school photos" is more acceptable.

Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?

A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.

I asked my friend if he would take a bullet for the last person he slept with.

He said hell yeah, I'd do anything for my sister!

It's not rape if you say "April Fools!"

What do you call an orphan with a gun?

(No) home shooter.

Do you know what's in common between a hitman and a photographer?

They all shoot people for a living.

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"

So I did...

I don't remember much after that.

I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.

I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.

"I will kill you with knife and gun, get ready, Explain Bear, stupid f***."

Why did the suicide bomber get promoted?

Because he was blowing up at work. 💀😈

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have a Glock aimed at you.

Why are clips 30 rounds? Because that's the average class size.

Did you hear about the Syrian guy that shot a bunch of people? He was Robert Kurd.

What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer?

Helen Killer.

Roses are red, peanuts are tan. I am joining the Ku Klux Klan.

Do you remember blowing bubbles when you were younger?

Well, Bubbles is back in town and was asking about you!