Violence jokes

She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.

How many white police officers does it take to push an African-American gentleman down the stairs?

Push?! He fell...

What do you call a child version of Batman?

The Raped Crusader.

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

What do you call two homeless people throwing rocks at each other?

A pillow fight.

When a redhead commits a mass shooting, does the headline read, "Ginger snaps"?

A school shooter enters a kindergarten classroom. Little Timmy says, “He’s my daddy!”

The teacher, Mr. Mortez, screams. Little Timmy then says, “Mr. Mortez, my daddy says you’re a big fat whale and he wants to roll you all the way to Canada!” *pushes Mr. Mortez* Little Timmy says, “Hail f**king Canada!”

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'

I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.

What has four legs and one arm?

A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.

What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer?

You can’t pull on her hair when you’re raping her.

Q: What's black and white and red all over?

A: The U.S. in 1919!

Why do you wrap a hamster in duct tape?

So it doesn’t explode when you’re fucking it.

I actually want peace, not war.

That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.

I rule my women with an IRON FIST!!

Yeah, literally an iron that my fist is clenching against her face.

About to go on a date.

But she was late.

So I got some tape.

And eventually punished her with rape.

Did you hear about the bull who went on a shooting rampage?

I guess he was a little deranged.

I recently learned that it's politically incorrect to talk about taking part in a school shooting.

Apparently the term "school photos" is more acceptable.

Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?

A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.

I asked my friend if he would take a bullet for the last person he slept with.

He said hell yeah, I'd do anything for my sister!