Violence jokes

So, I was raping this girl the other night, and she said, "Please just think of my kids!" I was like, "What a freak."

They laughed at my drawing, so I laughed at their chalk outline.

Bligitty blot, bliggity blit,

You better not be talkin' shit. 🔫

What's the same thing between a baby and a grenade?

They both make a sound when thrown.

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

"This is the dude who assassinated JFK."

"If you got a question, just shoot!"

So recently I hit an orphan with a 2x4, and he started crying. What's he gonna do? Tell his family? XD

What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?

Catching it with a pitchfork.

Don't break someone's heart. They only have one.

Break someone's bones. They have 206 of them.

How to make an orphan BLEED?

Step 1 - Tell them to clap until they actually have a loving family.

Step 2 - LAUGH EVILLY as they BLEED.

Step 3 - Tell them to kys.

Step 4 - Leave that mental asylum.

Americans: Miles per hour.

Europeans: Bullets per kid...

What do you call Helen Keller after she killed 10 people?

Helen Killer.

I went up to the deaf kid and said, "I’m going to punch you in 3, 2, 1." And he ended up with a broken nose, and I said, "You should have listened to me!"

I killed a man in '94.

I set a gay person on fire. We now call him LGBBQ.

School shooting: Happens.

Foreign Exchange Student: Starts sobbing under desk.

American Student: "First time?"

"Hola, soy Dora. Do you see the cliff? Say, "backpack." Tell her that we need Amanda. While I push her off the cliff, you will not peek. Did you just peek? Close your eyes, you silly goose." The end.

Those rape alarms give you a headache, don't they?

Chuck Norris strangled someone with a cordless phone.

So, if Russia was the motherland and Germany was the fatherland, what does that mean?

The Western Front is domestic violence.