What’s red, blonde, and wet?
Saskia in grain.
what's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop up an onion.
Why did Brandon's mum chase him with a knife? Because he didn't let her cum first!
What's Adam's biggest fear?
Andy with a belt.
Jared from Subway. Remember kids, "tuna sub" backwards is what I'm going to do on your face.
When the grass is bloody, You play in the mud...
Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
So you can watch the expression on their face.
What's terrible? Three dead babies nailed to one tree.
What's worse than that? One dead baby nailed to three trees.
What mental illness do terrorists suffer from?
Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED).
What's harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?
My dick while I'm doing it.
I tried to stick to One Direction, but then they started to shoot the gay bar...
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
Why did Bob Ross die?
Because the paint brush stabbed him.
When your husband can’t afford a punching bag, he uses his wife.
I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and everything was half off. I didn't know back to school sales had started already.
When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.
How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?
By cutting off her fingers.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One screams when I peel its skin off.
What's worse than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"
The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.
Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."
