Violence jokes
Where did Sally go when the explosion happened?
Everywhere!
Random guy: "Go suck a D*ck!"
Me: Nah, I'd rather suck a 9mm.
A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."
Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."
So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.
Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"
The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."
A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and sees a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running, building momentum before launching himself at the nun, catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head, knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement.
He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nun's ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habit and lifting her limp to her feet till face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace, the drunk victoriously growled, "You're not so bloody tough tonight, are ya, Batman?"
I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.
"Hippity hoppity, the school shooter spotted me."
My friend, Jackson Huge-T, got raped by Huge-D's.
Rape isn't funny unless she's laughing, too.
When she says she wrestles, so you pull out your dick and she punches it.
Do you want to know how to make a Smurf? CHOKE A MIDGET!
Q: How many dead babies does it take to paint the wall?
A: Depends how hard you throw them.
How many babies does it take to replace a light bulb? I'm guessing more than 10 cause it's still dark in my basement.
Q: How do you make a fire?
A: Oil and dead babies.
How do you pet a psychopath's cat?
You get it out of the microwave.
Roses are red. Walls are made of plaster. Schoolchildren can move fast, But bullets can move faster.
Did you know pigeons die after sex?
At least when I fucked it.
What's black and white and red all over????? A zebra in a blender!
GUY 1: How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
GUY 2: Depends on how hard you throw them.
Why did the little boy cry?
He had a frog nailed to his face and stapled to each of his fins. The frogs were his personal molesters.
How do you punch 40 kids in the face at once? Hit them with a “Sandy Hook”.