How do you pet a psychopath's cat?
You get it out of the microwave.
Violence Jokes
Roses are red. Walls are made of plaster. Schoolchildren can move fast, But bullets can move faster.
Did you know pigeons die after sex?
At least when I fucked it.
What's black and white and red all over????? A zebra in a blender!
GUY 1: How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
GUY 2: Depends on how hard you throw them.
Why did the little boy cry?
He had a frog nailed to his face and stapled to each of his fins. The frogs were his personal molesters.
How do you punch 40 kids in the face at once? Hit them with a “Sandy Hook”.
A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.
To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."
He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.
Jake had sex and broke her hymen, guess he’s Jake the ripper.
Q: Why did Sally get beat up?
A: She couldn’t fight back.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
The chicken was in 666 pieces after being molested by Gerard brutally with a rail gun covered in spears covered in his lymph. His beak was ripped open and shoved in his feet after glass shards were shoved into his eyes until they came out the other side. His feet were nailed to the ground.
Man 1: You look like Scott Cawthon.
Man 2: I'm gonna put your dick in a Coffin!
Man 3: Me first!
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."
How do you circumcise a hillbilly? You kick his sister in the jaw.
ble get get get gettttt pull the glock pew pew pew pew pew thats the silencer BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued.
Your flesh was delectable, and so was the rest of you.
Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.
Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times?
He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.
What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?
Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.
