What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?
Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.
"Um, honey, I'm glad you're done, but um, WHO KICKED OUR BABY'S ASS?! I'M PRETTY SURE FACES DON'T BEND THAT WAY!!"
Jace: Haha, I won, dude. You suck at Monopoly!
Timmy: Let's play another game. *GUNSHOT* I guess I won!
Jace: *SCREAMS IN PAIN*
Timmy: What? I thought we were playing Chutes and Ladders!
Man: Could you hold this for me?
Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*
Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!
Why are there no women in the NFL?
Commissioner Roger Goodell firmly believes in equal opportunity, so the girl tries out. Then, if she makes the team, we gangbang her to death. I mean, could you imagine what a scary birch she'd have to be?
What do you call a violent fish?
A smackeral!
After the shooting, people were asking why they would do it.
They wanted to stop but it turns out they were playing an online game.
I would never kill an animal. I'm more of a people person.
I was voting for Trump in the 2016 election. It's been a while since the last presidential assassination...
Q: What's the hardest thing about losing your virginity?
A: Making sure she doesn't wake up.
What do you get when you have 10 chicken nuggets and little Jimmy tries to take one?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead little Jimmy.
It looks like your face was lit on fire and someone tried to extinguish it with a hammer!
Why did Sally get a black eye?
Because she tried to play patty cake.
I got a lot running through my head right now. I wish at least one was a 12-gauge round.
What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?
Breakfast in bed!
You're walking into a bar and you see 2 younger kids around 18. You call the manager to have them removed, but no one came down.
Later that night, you see the 2 18-year-olds, 1 was a girl and the other was a boy, so you call the manager down. No one came again. You confront them and tell them to leave, but one turns around and hits you. You are knocked out on the floor. When you wake up, there is a hard feeling in your a**. You turn your head around and there is an autistic girl with a strap-on in your a** going full on hard.
I’m gonna kick some gum and chew some ass... but I’m all out of ass.
How do you circumcise someone from Alabama?
Kick his sister's jaw.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull dog coming back from the kids playground.
It's sad how families can be torn apart from something as simple as wild dogs.
