Violence jokes
How do you fit a baby into a shoebox?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
Tortilla chips.
A man walks into a bar with a 44. Magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The bartender answers, "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets."
When the school shooter kills five people, and the autistic kid yells, "Heroes never die!"
I took my girlfriend out the other day... Man, do I love being a sniper.
It's only okay to beat up a dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say, "Your hair smells nice."
If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning.
Damn, I love being a sniper.
Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.
Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.
I threw a paralyzed kid into the fireplace and called him hotwheels.
When the school shooter knocks on the classroom door, and the autistic kid opens it.
A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.
Remember, kids: the school shooter can't get you if YOU are the shooter.
When the school shooter breaks into the classroom, and you look at your friend because it's the kid you predicted.
When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid's Sketchers light up.
When the school shooter finds you under the table,
"Wonderful weather we're having!"
What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?
My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.
What did the terrorist say to the 72 virgins?
"Just so you know, 5 inches is REALLY big!"
A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says, "Who the fuck's been fucking my wife?" The room goes silent. The guy in the back finishes his beer and says, "You ain't got enough bullets."
Win a free ride in a police car! Just pick up a knife and use it!
What do you call it when you light a person in a wheelchair on fire?
Cooking the vegetables.