I was walking to the park and a mystery killer came and shot me.
Violence Jokes
The other day my brother hit me. I yelled for mom. No one responded.
Why did Sally die? She got stabbed by her mum.
Me: Hey, apple.
Apple: What?
Me: Knife.
Apple: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Granny says don't worry, the cries of pain are only my ex-husband's.
How do you fit a baby in a glass?
A blender.
How do you get it out?
Explosives!
"Killed two birds with one stone"? Pfft, I once killed two people with one bullet.
Making fun of someone you're angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car <3
Philza: PUT THE ORPHAN DOWN TECHNOBLADE- NO DON-
Technoblade: R.I.P orphan
You know what you could use? An orphan as a punching bag.
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Why did my mother buy me a Honda? She knows I can't move, so she pushed my wheelchair with me in it into the ocean. I survived just by a second, but a shark got my wheelchair, fucking bitch.
Get a head in life by decapitating someone.
Why did Mom cross the road?
To kill you!
How do you save your wife from drowning?
Take your foot off her neck.
Me: Hi, my name is...
Bro: Hey guys! So who are you?
Me: Hey, stop dude!
Bro: How is it going, bro--
Me: SHUT UP!
Bro: Is that a gun?
Me: *Pointing at bro*
Bro: Dude, I'm...
Me: *BANG* *BANG*
Me: Finally, it's over.
What can change color and get beat up?
You.
Me: 911, I just killed someone.
Cops: Cool, we will not come.
Me: Why?
Cops: Don't admit a crime.
Phones: *Bang Bang*
Me: Well, that was 2 crimes done.
I tell a man, "Get me a Glock 19." He comes back with a glove. I was about to shout at him, but then I saw a pistol in his pocket, so I left and thanked him.
"Hey man, what's that, a dynamite you have in your hand? Ok, well hold it over. I'll give it right back."
"Oh no, I won't!"
"Oh yes, you will!"
"Oh, I won't!"
"Oh yes, you will!"
"Ok fine, then you take it or I'll blow our your butt before it farts."
What do you call a dwarf suicide bomber?
A party popper.
