Vehicle jokes

What do a tank and a warship have in common?

They're overweight.

Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?

It went with the traffic jam.

How does a train eat?

"Chew chew!"

My dad seen RuPaul's Drag Race?

Asked when will they do up the cars!

What happens if a boy bumps into a dog?

It’s a bumper team.

Did you hear about the car that turned into a wheelchair?

Yo mama so fat, when she got ran over, the van did a 360 flip to Mars!

I hate sitting in traffic, I always get run over.

Why are supercars so super? Because it is superfast, lol.

One day a mom who looked like a pig broke the car down.

What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Honda? Just the Honda.

Why did the bike fall over? Because I was too tired.

What's the difference between a humorous bully and a small van driver?

One takes the Mickey, the other takes the Minnie.

A blonde starts a new job at a local car dealership when a wealthy gentleman comes in looking for a spacious car for his large family. The blonde is excited as she gets commission, so eagerly shows him the most expensive SUVs.

The gentleman has a good look around before saying to the blonde, "It looks perfect.... But cargo space?" To which she instantly replied, "Oh, I'm sorry, sir, car only for road."

So a guy gets a motorcycle with authentic leather seats, and the dealer tells him, "Dude, the rain will ruin the seats. Get it under something if it starts raining, and worst-case scenario, put Vaseline all over the seats to make it waterproof." So he goes to his girlfriend's house that night for dinner, and before he goes inside, she says, "Listen, this is your first time meeting my parents. We have a rule: the first one to speak has to do the dishes." So he walks inside and sees a mountain of dishes, over three months' worth, because no one has spoken, and the stench is awful.

During dinner, he concocted a plan to get someone to speak, so he started doing all of this crazy shit to try and get someone to speak. Not a peep. Eventually, he grabs his girlfriend, bends her over, and starts going to town. Still nothing. The parents are outraged but not speaking because they don't want to do the dishes. After about a minute of this, he walks away and does the same to her mum and starts going to town. Now the dad is pissed and just staring him down with daggers. At that moment, it starts to rain. He remembers his motorcycle is out in the rain, and he grabs the Vaseline out of his pack pocket, and the dad goes, "FINE! I'LL DO THE DISHES!"

What is better for bus drivers? A. Magic school bus 🚌

What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.

A man's daughter comes home from school and asks her dad if she can borrow the car.

The father replies, "No, it's too late at night."

The daughter says, "C'mon, Dad. I'll do anything."

The dad says, "OK, suck my dick."

The daughter says, "No, that's disgusting."

The dad says, "You want the car. You said you'll do anything."

The daughter agrees. Just as she is about to put her father's dick into her mouth, she stops and says, "Eww, Dad, your dick smells like shit."

The dad replies, "Yeah, well, your brother borrowed the car about an hour ago."

My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.

I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.

What has 4 wheels and can fly? A garbage truck.