Vegetable jokes
Why did Jeffery Dahmer not eat old people?
He does not like roasted vegetables.
I started crying when my dad was chopping onions.
Onions was such a good dog!
Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?
A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.
A cannibal went to the dietitian, and he got told to eat more vegetables, so he ate a disabled person.
Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?
She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.
What’s the difference between broccoli and little girls?
I don’t like the taste of broccoli.
How are peppers 🌶 so nosey?
They get jalapeño business.
English: It's the story of two potatoes, one gets mashed and the other screams “Oh mash!”
French: C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre. Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie “Oh purée!”
Why did the boy put the potatoes 🥔 on the kitchen floor?
He wanted to mash potatoes!
What does a noisy chilli do?
It gets jalapeno business.
Why did the tomato cross the road?
To ketchup with his friends on the other side.
What’s Brock from Pokemon's favorite food?
Brockoli.
What do you get when you cross a dick and a potato?
A dictator.
In the hospital, they need to keep the disabled patients' rooms cooler than the other patients' rooms.
Why?
They need to keep the vegetables cool and crisp.
The fries were the slowest in the race and they said, "We need to ketchup to the tomato!"
Why do special ed classes have fans?
To keep the vegetables nice and fresh.
What do you call a group of ethnically diverse disabled people?
Seasoned vegetables.
I'm always willing to go down on a handicapped girl.
Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.
What do you call a disabled orphan?
A left over vegetables.
Mushroom?