Vegetable jokes
I started crying when my dad was chopping onions.
Onions was such a good dog!
Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?
A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.
A cannibal went to the dietitian, and he got told to eat more vegetables, so he ate a disabled person.
Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?
She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.
Why did the boy put the potatoes 🥔 on the kitchen floor?
He wanted to mash potatoes!
How are peppers 🌶 so nosey?
They get jalapeño business.
What’s the difference between broccoli and little girls?
I don’t like the taste of broccoli.
English: It's the story of two potatoes, one gets mashed and the other screams “Oh mash!”
French: C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre. Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie “Oh purée!”
What does a noisy chilli do?
It gets jalapeno business.
What’s Brock from Pokemon's favorite food?
Brockoli.
Why did the tomato cross the road?
To ketchup with his friends on the other side.
What do you get when you cross a dick and a potato?
A dictator.
Riddle me this, Batman, what's long, round, and has cum in the middle?
Batman: A dick.
Riddler: NO NO NOOO! It's a cucumber!
In the hospital, they need to keep the disabled patients' rooms cooler than the other patients' rooms.
Why?
They need to keep the vegetables cool and crisp.
The fries were the slowest in the race and they said, "We need to ketchup to the tomato!"
Why do special ed classes have fans?
To keep the vegetables nice and fresh.
What do you call a group of ethnically diverse disabled people?
Seasoned vegetables.
What do you call a disabled orphan?
A left over vegetables.
The flower made a phone call and became cauliflower.
Mushroom?