Vegetable jokes
English: It's the story of two potatoes, one gets mashed and the other screams “Oh mash!”
French: C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre. Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie “Oh purée!”
Weather is like sex. Once in a while you need to get wet.
What did Michael Scott say to someone when he passed a plate of vegetables?
Boom! Roasted!
What’s a cannibal’s favorite food? A vegetable.
The lettuce and tomato were in a race. The lettuce was a head and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.
Why did the orange start blushing?
Because it saw the salad dressing!
Why did da tomato blush?! IT SAW THE SALAD DRESSING YUH!
What do mermaids put in the salads?
Sea cucumber.
What do you do with a frozen vegetable?
You wait for it to thaw.
This disabled kid walked up to me, so I asked what disease he had. He said, "Lima." So I said, "Come again?" And he said, "Lima nuts." And I asked if that was a fruit, and he said, "No, I'm a vegetable."
Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?
A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.
Q. What's the difference between an Alzheimer's patient and a tomato? A. A tomato isn't a vegetable.
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
Are people too thick to realize the difference between a fruit, a vegetable, and a person?
Why did the boy put the potatoes 🥔 on the kitchen floor?
He wanted to mash potatoes!
What do you call a washed vegetable? A disabled kid that needs a towel.
What did the potato say when the sweet potato told it to hurry?
I yam.
The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.
What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.