Vegetable Jokes

I don’t call it special ED, I call it mixed vegetables.

Q: what 1+1 2+2 4+4 8+8 name a vegetable

A: carrot🥕

What’s the difference between a baby and a beet?

Beets stain your teeth.

BEAN

knock knock whos there? lettuce lettuce who? lettuce in and ill tell ya

What the the vegetable say to the other before the fight? Time to beet your maker.

Lettuce stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.

knock-knock hoos there iceberg lettus iceberg lettus hoo iceberg!!!!! lettus in !!!!!!!!!!!

What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

A piece of ass that makes your eyes water.

knock knock lettuce in

What do you call environmental conscious Mexican A Green bean

What do you call a disabled kid's sweat? VEGETABLE OIL!

What part of a vegetable cant you eat, The wheelchair

A blind man went to a restaurant.

menu sir? asked the owner. I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order. The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork, and returned to the blind man. The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, yes I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables. Unbelievable, thought the owner. The blind man ate and left. Two weeks later the blind man returned. The owner, wanting to know how good his smell is, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife Brenda was cooking and said, do me a favor and rub this fork over your private part which she did. He then goes to the blind man and gives him the fork. The blind man takes it and puts it to his nose and says, oh interesting! I never knew Brenda works here!

What's Barack Obama's favorite vegetable? It's Barack-olli.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

What's the difference between broccoli and a booger?

Kids won't eat broccoli

Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.

Lettuce pray.

Are your parents bakers? Because you're a cutie pie. Are you a loan? Because you've got my interest. Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout! If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber. Are you an artist? Because you’re really good at drawing me in. I believe in following my dreams. Can I have your Instagram? If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple. If you were a flower, you'd be a daaaaaamn-delion.