Vegetable jokes
What does a broken down vegetable say?
I need new wheels.
What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?
I cried when I cut up the onions.
what do you call a bunch of retarded kids in a hot tub?
steamed vegetables.
My sis said only garlic and onions can make you cry.
So I threw an orange at her.
Mushroom?
Michelle Obama wanted more vegetables in school.
What do a gay guy in a wheelchair and a tomato have in common?
They’re both a fruit AND a vegetable!
What do you call a retarded cow?
Vegan (vegetable).
Wanna hear a joke about corn?
Never mind, it's too corny.
Q: What can turn a fruit into a vegetable?
A: AIDS.
What do you call a baby potato?
Small fry!
What is an orange cucumber?
A carrot, duh!
What did the vegetable say to the other before the fight?
Time to beet your maker.
What is so similar about a concrete block and a garden?
They both make vegetables.
Why don’t cannibal kids eat people with Down Syndrome? Because kids don’t like vegetables.
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.
If 2 vegetables have an argument, it's called beef.
Normal Europe: Oh no, I lost my iPhone!
Amish: Oh no, I lost my potato!
What do tomatoes 🍅 learn to do in a race?
Ketchup!
Weather is like sex. Once in a while you need to get wet.
A blind man went to a restaurant.
"Menu sir?" asked the owner. "I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order." The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork and returned to the blind man.
The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, "Yes I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables." Unbelievable, thought the owner. The blind man ate and left. Two weeks later the blind man returned. The owner, wanting to know how good his smell is, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife Brenda was cooking and said, "Do me a favor and rub this fork over your private part" which she did. He then goes to the blind man and gives him the fork. The blind man takes it and puts it to his nose and says, "Oh interesting! I never knew Brenda works here!"