Vegetable jokes
Q: What's the difference between Terri Schiavo and a tomato?
A: A tomato isn't a vegetable.
Why couldn't the carrot go to his friend's house?
Because he was grounded.
My cousin is a surgeon.
Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.
What do you call a nervous zucchini?
An edgy veggie.
What does Can do after eating its vegetables?
Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.
What do you call an environmentally conscious Mexican?
A green bean.
"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.
Your mom gay.
The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.
What's an asthma patient’s least favorite vegetable?
An arti-“choke”!
Are people too thick to realize the difference between a fruit, a vegetable, and a person?
Where can you find the freshest vegetables? A school for the disabled!
Why does the retard not like eating his vegetables? Because he knows not to be a cannibal, he knows somehow.
My disabled dad went to the grocery store.
He got lost and yet they couldn’t find him.
Finally, he was found after a kid told them he was in the vegetable aisle.
When I cut vegetables for my famous stew, I don’t know why everyone in the nursing home is always looking at me.
I saw a disabled person in the super market. They were at the vegetable aisle.
So I was walking in a store, and a carrot and a lettuce said, "Lettuce leaf!" to me.
When I am getting bored, I hold a banana and start shaking it suddenly. It gives out juice after a few minutes. I get excited. Ohhhhhh!
Try with a cucumber.
My sister said the onion is the only vegetable that can make you cry...
So I threw a carrot at her.
What starts with a "v" and ends with a "k"? A veggie Karen.