Use jokes
Who needs storage on a computer? Just use an Asian's brain.
Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them?
I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism.
Your forehead is so big that teachers use it as a whiteboard.
Where are the best shooting ranges in America?
Used to be in schools, but now in subways.
I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.
Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.
I was studying in Turin, and my professor told me I had to use PENS only.
I looked in my bag for pens, and they were GONE. I looked at the surveillance footage and saw that CRISTIANO PENALDO stole ALL MY PENS. I was fuming. Shame on you, Penaldo!
Your hairline looks like someone tried to erase it using Microsoft Paint.
Why don’t Asians use phones?
Cuz they wing da wrong number!!!
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common? They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.
What type of tape do kidnappers use?
Abduct-Tape.
Depression is like therapy; the more you see it, the more you get used to it.
A wild Iceberg appears. Go Titanic! Titanic uses Headbutt. The attack misses. Titanic faints.
Why did Shakespeare only write using quills?
Pencils confused him: 2b or not 2b.
If you're gonna razor yourself, you might as well have shaving cream.
Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."
What do depressed people use for emotions online?
They use EMOjis.
I used to get pushed and called lazy in school.
Man, I loved that wheelchair.
20 years of sex in the dark, the wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick." The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch."
What shampoo does Stephen Hawkings use?
Head & Shoulders.