Straw jokes
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender.
How do you get them back out? Straw.
How are a mouse and a bale of hay alike?
The cat'll eat it (the cattle eat it).
Memes
Suck!
What fruit do scarecrows love the most?
Straw-berries.
How do you fit 15 babies into a shoe box?
A blender.
How do you get them out of the shoe box? A straw.
How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?
A blender.
How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.
Are the three little pigs orphans because their mom kicked them out of the house?
An old lady walks into an ice cream store. A clerk greets her and says, "What will it be today, ma'am? We have every flavor you can imagine." The old lady says, "Well, I guess I'd like a quart of chocolate ice cream." The clerk says, "Sorry, ma'am, we're out of chocolate today. Any other flavor we'll have." "Ok," she replies, "Why don't you just give me a pint of chocolate ice cream?" The clerk says a little louder in case she's hard of hearing, "Sorry, ma'am, but we're fresh out of chocolate ice cream." The old lady says, "Oh, ok. Why don't you just get me a cone with one scoop of chocolate ice cream?"
Finally, totally exasperated, the clerk says, "Wait a minute, lady. Can you spell 'Van' as in vanilla?" "Why of course, young man," she says, "V-A-N." "Right," the clerk says, "Can you spell 'Straw' as in strawberry?" "Well of course, 'Straw'," she replied. "Ok, then," he says, "Now spell 'Fuck' as in chocolate." She says, "There's no 'Fuck' in chocolate." He says, "That's what I've been trying to tell you... THERE'S NO FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!!"
Hey, guy, you suck! Why do I suck? Because you're the one that's sucking juice out of a straw.
Memes
HM
hehehehehhehehehehhehehahahahhahahahahahhehehehehehehahahah
I think we all know where this is going
Community
If you’re ever bored here’s a list of fun things to do. 1) Pulling teeth out of a deer’s mouth 2)Asking “why” until someone runs out of answers and starts sobbing uncontrollably 3)Bending your fingers backwards as far as you can 4)Eating childhood memories 5)Making time stop forever 6)Transforming into whatever form people fear most 7)Silly straws
GENESIS 24 Isaac and Rebekah 1Abraham was now very old, and the Lord had blessed him in every way. 2He said to the senior servant in his household, the one in charge of all that he had, “Put your hand under my thigh. 3I want you to swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and the God of earth, that you will not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living, 4but will go to my country … Read more
Shower Thoughts:
- Cheating in exams is just studying at the wrong time. - Parents are the opposite of fake friends. They have your back when you aren't there and talk shit about you to your face. - Technically, the biggest difference between surfing and snowboarding is just the temperature of the water. - If a tomato is a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie? - Does a straw have one hole or two? - Can you daydream at night? - When you’re alone in a room, you’re the only person in the world who can see what you can. - Millions of people are in synchronization with your breathing right now.