Stop making autism jokes, calling us "retards." It is not cool.
Use Jokes
I saw Stephen Hawking using an ATM. It is nice to see he had found someone before he shut down.
So one day, I took a trip to Russia and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any bodyguards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days.
After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I said yes, and the officer said, "God help us."
So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said, "I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy." He said, "We did, and that we were extremely drunk."
What happened when Obama ran for president?
The whole US thought, "Holy hell, it's Osama bin Laden!" Thought he was dead.
Why do white people carry Confederate flags?
To remind us that they are losers.
I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called "serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.
Why is that a joke?
Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.
Why is that a joke?
Dude, come on, you want to start your day off happy or not?
Why is that a joke?
She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.
No seriously, dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.
Teacher: We have a new student today class, come introduce yourself.
Student: My name is Buttitches.
Teacher: Please tell us your real name.
Student: Buttitches.
Teacher: I’m calling the police.
Police: Son, please tell me your real name or I’m going to shoot you.
Student: Buttitches.
Police: *shoots gun.*
A few days later, the police go to the funeral and sits behind the mom. While crying, the mom says, "My Buttitches!" The police say, "We’ll scratch it, lady."
Gwen, we can chat in 2 months. My aunt just died from COVID, and it is taking forever for us to get there to California. I love you, your boyfriend, Prince!
Why couldn't the orphan use the swing? Because they had no arms.
One apple a day keeps the doctor away; not logging onto servers using management or service accounts keeps SecOps people away.
I used to work at a candlestick factory, but only on the wickends! It was illuminating!
Your friend took a shower and used Pantene, but I got a watermelon to keep me clean.
Why did he go to hell? Because he couldn't use the stairs to Heaven.
A woman once didn't return home for the night, and the next morning when she arrived home, her husband started questioning her about where she had been. She lied, saying she slept at one of her friends' houses.
The man proceeded to call all her friends, all of whom denied her sleeping at their places the previous night.
Meanwhile, somewhere else, a man didn't return home to his wife for the night either. The following morning, his wife started questioning him, and he lied, saying he slept at a friend's house. She proceeded to call all his friends. All of them said that he indeed slept at their places the previous night, and one of them even insisted that he's still there, but he's using the bathroom and he can't talk right now!
My dad always used to beat me, but he never beat cancer.
Poopy pants! Ha! Got 'em! Use Code Fred_5001 in the Fortnite item shop.
Why did the Indian man refuse to use deodorant? Because he wanted to smell like his natural habitat, the shitter.
Stephen Hawking never used a condom. He used a firewall.
What do people use more than you that is yours?
POV: Get a banana cleaner and use it as a sex toy.
