An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."
Roses are red, eggs come in a dozen, do I need to revive Hitler to teach you how to use a goddamn oven?
I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.
Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.
LBB- why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys Mummy
His mom- Maybe because your the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou
*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*
Krampus- should’ve been better Little Bear
LLB -help Mummy he’s the Scratchy monster
Shrek- just kidding it’s not Krampus but indeeds Me and Black Donkey instead, and were going to poop on your floor
Duggie- hopefully Marvins doesn’t see us and by the way want some purplish koolaid
I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.
I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"
She said, "He was a little tardy."
I replied to her, "I thought they all were."
I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late I asked her why did you send James out to the hall? She said she was a little tardy I asked her are I thought they all were
Why was the bee’s hair sticky?
He used honeycomb.
Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them?
I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism.
were gonna have to kill
no good jack and jill
they’re draining the economy doooown!
they’ve spent our budget on weed
and lube to spill jack’s seed
they’ve ruined our wonderful town!
were gonna have to kill
nno good jack and jill
they have no moralityyyy
they’re spreading degeneracy
we aint what we used to be
we’ve got to kill ol no good jack and jill!
jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water
but then they stopped at the tippy top to smoke some marijuana
they went to the store, and got some more, to fetch a “few” more beers
next day they came, ran off again, repeat for 24 years
we’re gonna have to kill
nno good jack and jill!
they’ve banked off buying boooze!
they’ll drink and sell the price
at the original times thrice
corruption wins, the avg. folk’ll loseee.
we’re gonna have to kill
nno good jack and jill
their kids’re in the business tooo!
they’re draining all our banks
give em well deserved spanks
we’ve got to kill ol no good jack and jill
jack and jill netflix and chilled and made a grave mistaaake
what a blunder, there was no rubber, now
they’re a house of eeiiight
a bolt went off, they opened shop
to resell their porn and lean
it all went swell, but for us, well
we’re now an oligarchy!
WE’LL KILL OL JACK AND JILL!
Why do vegans use blowjobs?
Because they can’t take real meat.
Why do vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?
Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
There used to be two until they divided into multiple pieces.
I told a kid in a wheelchair that he should use his rocket league booster
At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”
Who were the greenest Presidents in US history? The Bushes.
How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?
Tell him that it is a confessional booth.
How can a pimp save money in buying condoms for his stable? Answer: Have his hoes wash and rinse them after every use.
Why did Shakespeare only write using quills?
Pencils confused him: 2b or not 2b.
What do two priest say to each other when they walk into an orphanage let us pray
I really used to be into emo chicks. Now they just don't make the cut.
