Use jokes

How can you tell if your husband is dead?

The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.

What does a slave owner use to buy slaves? A Master Card.

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.

What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One’s a Good Year, the other’s a great year.

My husband told me he just came into a lot of money.

Weird, he usually uses a sock.

When a deaf girl master baits, does she use the other hand to moan?

Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?

He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.

How do you stop all homophobic heterosexual white men from using all public men's restrooms at a rest area?

Make sure that all public men's restrooms at the rest area are always occupied with gay men that have long and thick big cocks, regardless of skin color.

What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?

Let us prey.

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?

There used to be two, but now it's a sore subject.

Why can’t trans men enjoy chocolate?

It uses Hershey pronouns.

I used to think all Americans were racist.

Now I've changed my mind. They DID elect an orange president.

Here in Canada, you used to be able to be shipped off to an asylum just because you were gay.

I guess they couldn't tell the fruits from the nuts.

I used to be emo, but I don't cut myself to solve my problems anymore.

I just drink a bunch of liquor like an adult.

Pierre Poilievre has lost the government position he had for 20 years.

Bet he wishes his mom HAD used that coat hanger.

A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.

You need to be a complete dick.

Alberta Premier Danielle Smith is in hot water for importing $49 million worth of Tylenol that medical facilities couldn't even use.

I have a few suggestions about what she can do with all that Tylenol.

What does a crooked lawyer who is not on the ACLU payroll have in common with a crooked politician who has an office in Washington, DC?

They both sign their names using a blue pen 🖊 🖊.

Everybody is talking about Trump having leaks in his office.

I don't see what the problem is. He should just use a better fitting diaper next time.

When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."