Use

Use jokes

Poison

    • Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.”

    “Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”

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    • Technology

    • When Jim was playing on his phone, my grandfather told him, "You use way too much technology!" Jim then said, "No, YOU use too much technology!" and then Jim disconnected his grandfather’s life support.

  • 20

    • Bear

    • This explaining bear, lol. Bro acts so smart, but he's just AI, and bro uses the worst nicknames. "Buttercup, sweetheart"... like, SWEETIE, get a life and stop roasting us.

  • 1

    • Funeral

    • My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."

    So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.

  • 4

    • Milkman

    • A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.

  • 58
    • Use memes

    Confucius

    • Confucius say: Never try win head-butting contest with mongoloid. You lose every time, and you only hurt yourself.

    Unless he use Mongolian recurved bow... then you in trouble!

  • 1

    • Company

    • Treon: I don't care about Vorkie.

    Amber: You should, she could be a great person for the company.

    Treon: We don't need another one, we got 100 people in here, no need. Now, Amber, please just go make yourself useful.

    Amber: Fine!!!!!

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    • Ice

    • On a winter day many play.

    Some with snow, and I with ice Used as a device to slice Somehow I'm colder now.

    Meat

    • Why don't humans eat raw meat? Because they use technology to cry about raw meat is good. Go and leave, bro, I'm going to eat sushi.

    Medical School

    • When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school.

    At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters

    'PNEIS'

    and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

    Those who answered 'SPINE' are doctors.

    Egg

    • What do eggs use in war? Eggk47s get my yolk this is really cracking me up!

    They’d probably get shellshocked, wasn’t it all eggcellent? Ok, Ok, I’m headed for the egg-it.

    Why did the new egg fell so good? It just got laid.

  • 1