This isn't a joke but
I'm a survivor and use humor to cope. I find these extremely funny so please leave the people writing these alone 😭
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Billy: I'm so use to having you in bed with me, I don't know if I'm ready for this long distance relationship
Sally: Ohh, don't worry brother, I'll just be right down the hall...
Why doesn’t the US wanna play chess with the UK?
The US is already down 2 towers and the UK has a unkillable queen.
My friend and I were walking down the street and we saw this one disabled kid getting bullied by 3 other kids. Urgently, we sprinted over to help.
He had no chance against the 5 of us.
I don't get this why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there.
A man goes into heaven and there he meets jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says "that is mother teresa's clock it has never moved because she has never lied". "There is Abraham Lincolns clock. He has .lied twice so it has moved twice." "Where is Donald Trump's?" Ask's the man. Jesus answers "it is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."
Whenever I have a one night stand I always use protection
A fake name and fake phone number.
To all you who can't understand using jokes as coping mechanism... you know what i will ask of you:)
Q.What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?
A. A seatbelt.
The twin towers and genders have alot in common, there used to be two and now.. its just a touchy subject.
Daughter: Mommy?
Mom: Hey
Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make sour patch kids?
Mom: They don’t use kids to make sour patch kids
Daughter: Oh that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...
I wanted to see if she was Anorexic, So I through a Funyun at her to see if she'd use it as a Hula hoop or inhale it.
The teacher asked her class to use definitely in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin,but the sky can also be blue or black." the teacher replied. Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him. And picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally she called on him. "Mines more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no Johnny why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."
What do depressed people use for emotions online
They use EMOjis
rizz
are you a biographer cause i picture us toghether can i take a picture of you for i can show santa what i want for christmas No pen No paper you still draw my attention you know what i hate about math they always talk about x and y but not about u and i
I had to stop using cutting jokes because they were getting too deep
Chuck Norris uses elevators only in case of fire.
The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her "Don't worry I used to work with kids."
So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in.
He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.
