Use jokes
What excuse can you use if you find out your date is a rape victim and you don't want the baggage?
Say you've parked your car in a bad spot and are just going to move it, then move your car all the way back to your home address.
"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.
"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."
"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.
Grandma pointed to the campfire.
Today, there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So, he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there.
When he was done, he realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So, he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it, my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”
Yo mama is so poor, she buys used food.
Men should provide their disobedient daughters with their own "milk" instead of letting them use the mother. That will teach those bitches some respect for men. It may even help them get laid later on in life.
What does a depressed kid who loves geometry use to kill themself?
A hypoteNUSE!
Your hairline design was used as the Batman logo!
What pronouns would Michael Jackson have used as a Gender Identifier?
“He/he.”
What do British politics and transgender people have in common?
Both aren't what they used to be...
I really used to be into emo chicks. Now they just don't make the cut.
What do you white people use as pronouns?
Crack/her.
Your mummy is so tall, she uses the Eiffel Tower as a dildo.
*Riddle:* All men have one, some got long, some got small. The Pope never uses his, and a man gives it to his wife after getting married. What is it?
Yo mama so fat,
Donald Trump himself tried to use her as his border wall in 2016.
Yo mama so fat, Zeus used her as a bowling ball.
I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.
I guess you can say she had me in a trans.
Your hairline's so far back even Bill Nye the Science Guy couldn't use photosynthesis to fix it.
Q: What do you use on your tuba when it breaks?
A: Tuba-glue.
We split because she would always say I never listen, or something like that.
Why can't orphans use a phone?
Because they don't have a home screen.