Use jokes

What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and your step sis? You need to use protection for the nuclear reactor.

Q. Why was the orphan unable to use the phone?

A. He was trying to phone home.

A little riddle...

Trump has it short, Kennedy has it long, the Pope has it but he doesn't use it, what is it?

...

Obviously the Surname, what are you thinking about you pervert?

When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.

But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!

I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.

Two guys were beating up someone in an alley, so I stepped in to help.

He didn't stand a chance against the three of us.

I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.

Yo mama so fat, she has to use pillowcases for socks.

A kid named Timmy said to his dad that he had sex with his teacher, and his dad was proud of him and gave him a bike.

The kid said, "I can't use it; my butt hurts!"

I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.

All I said was, "Hurry up, some of us got homes to go to..."

A white woman was caught on video using racial slurs and assaulting two black students. She was charged with "interpreting" a black police officer.

We destroyed two boats, and they dropped the sun on us twice!

The real dead hooker joke is on all of us from the Fraser Valley in BC. You know damn well each and everyone of us ate that Pickton hooker pork. Considering it stretching from the 80's-2000's, pretty sure he got 4 generations of Valley folk with that Pickton pork.

An orphan uses a family bathroom, and when he comes out, he gets told, "This is a family bathroom."

Two kids were beating up a ginger kid in an ally, so I stepped into help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?

They have both had a few strokes.

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.

I used to believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.

My husband told me he just came into a lot of money.

Weird, he usually uses a sock.

How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?

Tell him that it is a confessional booth.