Use Jokes

A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, ̈Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! ̈ After that he joined the Army and learned to say, ̈Yes sir! ̈ After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, ̈Forks and knives, forks and knives! ̈ After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, ̈Goody-goody gumdrops! ̈ A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows: Policeman: Who killed the man? Foreign man: Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! Policeman: Did you kill the man? Foreign man: Yes sir! Policeman: What did you use to kill him: Foreign man: Forks and knives, forks and knives! Policeman: You ́re under arrest. Foreign man: Goody-goody gumdrops!

The twin towers are like genders, there used to be two of them

In the average room, there are about 2,894,638 items that Chuck Norris can use to kill you, including the room itself.

How did they figure out what kind of shampoo Paul walker used? They found his “head and shoulders” in the the dash.

Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap. -- He was high on my list of priorities.

Your forehead so big that the Teachers use it as a whiteboard

Teacher: I used to be an orphan once.

Student: OOFT

Teacher: Who are we missing?

Student: Your parents

A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks, "I thought you guys only drink blood?"

The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "I'm making tea."

Women: “Men used to go to war now they go to clubs” Men: “Women used to fear their nudes getting leaked now it’s $3.99”

Brother: I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help Sister: that’s my fu__ing electric toothbrush Brother: oh, well the offer still stands.