How did they figure out what kind of shampoo Paul walker used? They found his “head and shoulders” in the the dash.
I was with my blind friend, and he's telling me "Yeah I can read braille". So I hand him a Lego brick and ask him to read it. Apparently, Lego has been hiding a dark secret from us for years; as all their bricks read "Screw you, asshole"
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap. -- He was high on my list of priorities.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Teacher: I used to be an orphan once.
Student: OOFT
Teacher: Who are we missing?
Student: Your parents
pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die
passengers: *start freaking out*
pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when
passengers: *sigh with relief*
pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain
A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks, "I thought you guys only drink blood?"
The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "I'm making tea."
Brother: I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help Sister: that’s my fu__ing electric toothbrush Brother: oh, well the offer still stands.
i use to work at a calendar factory but i got fired because i missed a few days
A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labour, the doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father, they agree so the machine is used, 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not felling anything, 100%, nothing. The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.
What do Paul Walker and I have in common? Neither of us have seen Fast and the Furious 7.
What did Freddie Mercury use to improve his hearing?
Hearing AIDS
A wild Iceberg appears! Titanic uses ram! It is not very effective. ( Titanic sinks. )
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Why did Yoda go to jail for rape?
He doesn't get consent he just uses the force.
I remember when I was a kid i thought the world used to be colorless.
I was kinda right, they used to not let colors in a lot of areas.
What caused Captain Hook's death?
He accidentally used the wrong hand to wipe his ass.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
my friend was on wheelchair......he committed suicide yesterday, I remember when i met him last time he told us a good joke and i appreciated him and i told him to become stand up comedian.
