Use jokes
A woman goes to buy a parrot.
There is one for 200, 500, and one for 15 bucks.
She asks why the last one is so cheap.
The man at the counter says, "It used to live in a brothel/sex house."
The lady buys it anyway.
When she gets home, it says, "Fuck me, a new brothel!"
When her daughters get home, it says, "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!"
When the father gets home, the parrot says, "Fuck me, Daryl, haven't seen you in the brothel in weeks!"
What do you call a cat with two legs instead of four?
Dead and without use, that's what I feel like.
Parents: Why do you use your phone on the toilet?
Me: The same reason you read the newspaper on the toilet.
Hola! This is when I pranked my mom! I took a fake lobster and put it in the toilet. The fake lobster was in your attic, used for lobster parties, but anyway, I put the fake lobster in the toilet, so when my mom comes in she will find it and overreact to it. Well, she did not overreact, she FREAKED OUT OVER IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First she screamed and then she looked at it and she saw it was fake. laterrrrrrr that's the prankster!
What does a crooked lawyer who is not on the ACLU payroll have in common with a crooked politician who has an office in Washington, DC?
They both sign their names using a blue pen 🖊 🖊.
What happened when the fire used Tinder?
He luckily got a lot of matches.
Yo mama so fat,
Donald Trump himself tried to use her as his border wall in 2016.
Your mom is so poor, she buys used food.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.
My relatives used to tease me at weddings, saying I'd be next. They soon stopped when I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?
Fo' drizzle.
A baby is like another step. You use it just the same as the other steps.
Why do tryhards use Fennecs? It looks better than the Octane.
Yo mama so fat, she has to use pillowcases for socks.
What is the best shield to use during a battle? The emo kid.
Hello worstjokesever.com, I am not typing but instead using a microphone to speech, ding me a period.
I don’t see what’s coming up, but I don’t know why I am sending, so it will be random or funny or just stupid, LOL. So like and subscribe and...
A father tells his 10-year-old son...
"Sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on your cereal every morning and you will have a very long life."
His son followed his father's advice every morning without missing a day until he died at the age of 186, leaving behind 28 children, 67 grandchildren, 148 great-grandchildren, and a 7-foot crater where the crematory used to be.
You're so dumb that every time you use the bathroom, you use your shoe to wipe your ass.
I knew a guy who used to sell wrenches. He was all torque.
I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.