Use jokes
Your friend took a shower and used Pantene, but I got a watermelon to keep me clean.
I wish we could implant all parts because I could have used some car parts from Stephen Hawking after he died.
We used to have a tail on the back... and now it moves forward.
What’s a guy with Tourette’s favorite app to use? Tiktok.
What kind of paper towel do they use in special education classrooms?
Downey.
I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called "serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.
Why is that a joke?
Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.
Why is that a joke?
Dude, come on, you want to start your day off happy or not?
Why is that a joke?
She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.
No seriously, dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.
What is the difference between gross and kinky according to a Canadian?
Using a toothpick to remove human feces between your teeth after licking another person's ass is gross, but performing a blowjob on a man who is well-endowed while he is eating a tuna fish sandwich, with maple syrup instead of mayonnaise, is kinky.
What do British politics and transgender people have in common?
Both aren't what they used to be...
Hey, 2nd Amendmenters! Wanna know what gun Jesus used during his time?
What?
A nail gun!
What flowers do orphans use?...
Self-raising flour.
What was the most useful tool in the 17th century?
Slaves.
Women say men are trash.
Yet men made the phone, laptops, computer and electrical hardware she uses to say men are trash, never mind the electricity she uses to power those devices...
I used to know a guy from a nudist colony.
Man, I tell you, nothing looked good on him!
Why don't you use a dull pencil?
Because there's no point. 😐😑😑
Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.
You’re so short, you could use a pillow as your bed and still have some wiggle room.
One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.
Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."
What should you use to battle a T-Rex?
A dino-sword.
Why do doctors use so much lipstick?
Because they love cos-medics!
The teacher was terrified to hear Little Johnny swear.
“I never want you to use language like that again. Where on earth did you pick it up?”
“From my father,” said Johnny.
“Well, he should be ashamed of himself. And it’s no reason for you to talk like that. You don’t even know what it means.”
“I do,” said Johnny. “It means the car won’t start.”