Use jokes
They used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a comedian.
Well, they're not laughing now!
Bro used the quadratic formula to calculate the velocity of your -234 going down hairline.
We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have Biden, no cash, and no hope.
A kid named Timmy said to his dad that he had sex with his teacher, and his dad was proud of him and gave him a bike.
The kid said, "I can't use it; my butt hurts!"
What type of tape do kidnappers use?
Abduct-Tape.
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
You better get used to having dry cereal cuz your dad ain't never bringing the milk back.
Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?
Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."
Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"
Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
There used to be two until they divided into multiple pieces.
A man finds his son climbing the roof of his house. The kid kept using all sorts of material to climb up, but the dad didn't pay much attention.
Next day the kid went to the state tower and kept climbing using some adhesive gloves. The dad asks his son for a second time: "Son! Why are you doing this?" The son replies: "You told me to aim up high!"
I posted up on my story that I got a new cut. My friends and family called the cops...
I used to be emo.
What do whales use to rub out a mistake in their homework? Their blubber.
What kind of paper towel do they use in special education classrooms?
Downey.
Q: How do you cover a Chinese's eyes?
A: Use dental floss.
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
One is dangerous for kids if put on their face, the other one is used to carry groceries.
Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard?
So they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.
Women say men are trash.
Yet men made the phone, laptops, computer and electrical hardware she uses to say men are trash, never mind the electricity she uses to power those devices...
What kind of shells do tanks use to cheat?
A-cheat shells.
What's the difference between you and Hitler? At least he knows how to use an oven.
What do hockey players and cops have in common?
They both use sticks to hit something black.