Use jokes
How do you know when you are dating a cannibal?
You go to the beach, he offers to put suntan oil on you, and the brand name is Wesson.
You are having sex and he says he wants to eat your a$$ and you notice he is holding a knife and fork.
He invites you to his home to use the hot tub and it is heated by a wood fire.
You are having an argument and you say "bite me" and he starts to sharpen his teeth.
What do you call a fish that can use a katana? A salmon-rai.
It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.
You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?
When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...
...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)
Student: "May I use the restroom, professor?"
Professor: "Oui oui."
Student: "No, professor, doo doo!"
What motorway lane does Stephen Hawking use?
Hard shoulder.
What was the thing that Beethoven used the most?
THE OVEN! (BeethOVEN)
I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1-ply toilet roll.
Yesterday I made food using oil--olive oil.
(I love oil!)
Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)
Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.
Where are the best shooting ranges in America?
Used to be in schools, but now in subways.
What should you do if you meet a giant? Use big words.
Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.
How do you know if someone is anorexic? You toss them a onion ring and see if they eat it, or use it as a hula hoop.
What does a disabled disco play?
"When your legs don’t work like they used to before."
Yep, if someone says to you, "I can't roast trash," say, "Well, some trash is used for recycling, and that is why you have a baby brother!"
How did the guy rob the water park?
He used a water gun!
LOL 💦🔫💧🌊
Why in Alabama people don't use doggy style... Cuz you don't turn your back to your family.
What should you use to battle a T-Rex?
A dino-sword.
Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂
Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.
Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.
I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
POV: Get a banana cleaner and use it as a sex toy.