Use jokes
A kindergarten teacher was telling a story...
A kindergarten teacher was telling a story about a farmer walking around the farm talking to the animals. She was trying to get the kids to interact, speak up, and to use their imaginations.
"Mister Farmer stopped at the cow, and the cow said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Susie, what do you thing the farmer said next?"
Susie says "He said 'Good morning Mrs. Cow!'"
"Mister Farmer stopped at the pig next, and the pig said 'Good morning, Mister Farmer!'. Johnny, what do you thing the farmer said next?"
Johnny says "He said 'Good morning Mr. Pig!'"
"Mister Farmer stopped at the chicken, and the Chicken said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Billy, what do you thing the farmer said next?"
Billy says "The farmer said 'Holy shit, that chicken is fucking talking!'"
Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"
Why don't midgets use tampons?
Answer: They are always tripping over the string.
How does Stephen Hawking get clean?
He uses Tesco car wash.
What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?
"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."
What do cows use for math? A cow-culator 😏
"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"
Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.
I used to work at a calendar factory, but I got fired because I missed a few days.
Q. How does a feminist stop a rapist?
A. By using her equal strength.
What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?
They have both had a few strokes.
What do bicycles and slaves have in common? They both use chains to work.
Yo Momma so slutty she uses a SpaceX rocket as a dildo.
I am trying to re-comment something that used to be on here, but is no longer on here.
Here are some rules to make a good joke:
1: Don't say “my life.”
2: Proofread your joke and make sure people can read it/have good grammar in it.
3: And don’t repost things (although this last one is hypocritical because this was me trying to repost something, but it is still a good rule to go by).
Why did Yoda go to jail for rape?
He doesn't get consent; he just uses the force.
You used to call me on your cellphone when you need my love.
Mad girl: SHUT UP! YOU ARE SO ANNOYING! I DON'T WANT TO CALL YOU ON MY CELL PHONE!
What’s a guy with Tourette’s favorite app to use? Tiktok.
What does a depressed kid who loves geometry use to kill themself?
A hypoteNUSE!
Q: What do pedophiles use for allergic reactions?
A: An Epstein pen.
GF: What did you use as kissing when you were little?
Me: My sister.
SWEET HOME ALABAMAA
Use the roast I put of flat earth.