Use jokes
Q: How do you cover a Chinese's eyes?
A: Use dental floss.
What kind of shells do tanks use to cheat?
A-cheat shells.
What's the difference between you and Hitler? At least he knows how to use an oven.
What do hockey players and cops have in common?
They both use sticks to hit something black.
An orphan uses a family bathroom, and when he comes out, he gets told, "This is a family bathroom."
What's the difference between a used condom and the UCP?
The condom was actually useful at one point.
I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.
Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
One day, Little Johnny needs to use the bathroom. His mom is in there, so he went in to use it and asked his mom, "What is that between your legs?"
His mom told him that is her bush. Then the next day the same thing happened, but with his dad. He asked his dad, "What is that between his legs?" He said, "My snake."
The same thing happened one more time, except with his grandmother. Little Johnny asked grandma what is on her chest. She said, "My headlights."
One night, Little Johnny caught his parents doing something naughty. Then he said, "Grandma, grandma, turn on your headlights! Daddy's snake is trying to get into mommy's bush!"
Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them?
I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism.
Your hairline looks like someone tried to erase it using Microsoft Paint.
Billy: "I'm so used to having you in bed with me, I don't know if I'm ready for this long-distance relationship."
Sally: "Ohh, don't worry brother, I'll just be right down the hall..."
Bleach solves so many problems:
Stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation of orphans.
The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."
Why couldn’t people use the George Floyd action figure? Because it was vacuum sealed.
What type of tape do kidnappers use?
Abduct-Tape.
Bro used the quadratic formula to calculate the velocity of your -234 going down hairline.
According to all known laws of aviation,
there is no way a bee should be able to fly.
Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.
The bee, of course, flies anyway
because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.
Barry! Breakfast is ready!
Coming!
Hang on a second.
Hello?
- Barry? - Adam?
- Can you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up.
Looking sharp.
Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those.
Sorry. I'm excited.
Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son.
A perfect report card, all B's.
Very proud.
Ma! I got a thing going here.
- You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me!
- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye!
Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!
A donut is not empty inside, that was a hole in the middle. If I'm a donut, the hole used to be where I put my feeling and happiness, but people snatch it away from me.
Anyway, can someone put a hole in my physical body too? I kinda wanted to see people cry for me just like how people cry for Ace from One Piece.
I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.