Use jokes

Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?

His name is Vladimir Pootin.

Who used to say, "Who loves orange soda?" Kel loves orange soda. Yes, I do, do, do, doooo! Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yes, I dooooo! Kel Mitchell from Kenan and Kel.

I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.

You know what pun is used for "waist?"

Nothing. You'll find nothing.

It's just a waste of time.

I knew a guy who used to sell wrenches. He was all torque.

Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?

Because the "p" is silent.

Why do women only use their left arm? Because they don’t have rights.

I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries.

We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have Biden, no cash, and no hope.

Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.

What do you call a U.S. border hopper?

A Mexican jumping bean.

I told a kid in a wheelchair that he should use his rocket league booster.

Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard?

So they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.

One day there was a frantic call at the fire department:

"Help me, help me! There is a cat meowing nearby. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you help me, and send the fire squad right away?"

"Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax and wait until he leaves."

"You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"

"Cats aren’t venomous or in any other way dangerous, now who is calling?"

"I’m Indy's parrot you twit! Now help me! Please help, please help!"

What was one cool thing about Hitler?

He used to paint his thoughts on the wall with a gun.

Women are like rolls of toilet paper. They are either really cheap or expensive, you use them a lot, and they deal with a lot of sh*t.

What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?

What's the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and an Emo?

They're both gay and use knives.

What do turtles use to communicate?

A shellphone!

Am tired of my country!!!! How can two policemen use one gun?