Use jokes
What flowers do orphans use?...
Self-raising flour.
Where are the best shooting ranges in America?
Used to be in schools, but now in subways.
"Hi, Mrs. Jackson, can Matt come out and play?"
"Oh, Johnny, you know Matt doesn't have any arms or legs."
"I know, we just wanted to use him as third base."
Your forehead is so big that teachers use it as a whiteboard.
I was studying in Turin, and my professor told me I had to use PENS only.
I looked in my bag for pens, and they were GONE. I looked at the surveillance footage and saw that CRISTIANO PENALDO stole ALL MY PENS. I was fuming. Shame on you, Penaldo!
Osama be like: "Fuck boys, runway is full, better use this tower!"
What do cows use to do their homework? A cowculator.
Q: What kind of paper towel do they use in special education classrooms?
A: Downey.
Teacher: Johnny, can you use a sentence with "definitely" in it?
Little Johnny: Do farts have lumps in them?
Teacher: Of course not, Johnny.
Little Johnny: Then I’ve definitely shat myself.
A man finds his son climbing the roof of his house. The kid kept using all sorts of material to climb up, but the dad didn't pay much attention.
Next day the kid went to the state tower and kept climbing using some adhesive gloves. The dad asks his son for a second time: "Son! Why are you doing this?" The son replies: "You told me to aim up high!"
Girls are like math; if they're under ten, then you use your fingers.
Why are hindustan bhai so good at Python?
When they are hungry, they use Python and take credit card information ;). You know what they say, you give a man a curry and he eats for a day, you give a man a language and he eats for a lifetime.
What flour do orphans use when baking? Self-Raising (Rising).
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
Why did the United Nations stop the French government from using the guillotine in public?
Because the French government was using the guillotine on newborn babies for circumcision.
What do ants use when they're stinky?
Deodorant.
A white woman was caught on video using racial slurs and assaulting two black students. She was charged with "interpreting" a black police officer.
I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.
I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"
She said, "He was a little tardy."
I replied to her, "I thought they all were."
I knew a guy who used to sell wrenches. He was all torque.
When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.