Use jokes
Why does Joe Biden like cold weather? Because he’s used to being in the teens.
I told a kid in a wheelchair that he should use his rocket league booster.
I knew a guy who used to sell wrenches. He was all torque.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.
It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.
Memes
Who made the most money from 9/11? The US government.
Why do women only use their left arm? Because they don’t have rights.
What do cows use for math? A cow-culator 😏
Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.
Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?
His name is Vladimir Pootin.
Who used to say, "Who loves orange soda?" Kel loves orange soda. Yes, I do, do, do, doooo! Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yes, I dooooo! Kel Mitchell from Kenan and Kel.
I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.
You know what pun is used for "waist?"
Nothing. You'll find nothing.
It's just a waste of time.
One day there was a frantic call at the fire department:
"Help me, help me! There is a cat meowing nearby. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you help me, and send the fire squad right away?"
"Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax and wait until he leaves."
"You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"
"Cats aren’t venomous or in any other way dangerous, now who is calling?"
"I’m Indy's parrot you twit! Now help me! Please help, please help!"
What was one cool thing about Hitler?
He used to paint his thoughts on the wall with a gun.
Women are like rolls of toilet paper. They are either really cheap or expensive, you use them a lot, and they deal with a lot of sh*t.
What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?
Let us prey.
Why was the bee’s hair sticky?
He used honeycomb.
What do turtles use to communicate?
A shellphone!
Me: I used to laugh at Skyrim jokes like you, then I took an...
Everyone Else: DON'T...FUCKING...SAY IT.