Use

Use jokes

Girlfriend

    • When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.

  • 0

    • Part

    • I wish we could implant all parts because I could have used some car parts from Stephen Hawking after he died.

    Use memes

    Helicopter

    • They finally released the audio recording from the black box in Kobe’s helicopter.

    Apparently when the helicopter caught fire, Kobe was sitting right next to the only fire extinguisher. You could hear everyone screaming for him to put out the fire, but he couldn’t figure out how to use it. They begged and pleaded for him to give the extinguisher to anyone else... the last thing you hear is Kobe saying “I’d rather die than pass it!”

  • 2

    • Rape

    • I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called "serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.

    Why is that a joke?

    Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.

    Why is that a joke?

    Dude, come on, you want to start your day off happy or not?

    Why is that a joke?

    She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.

    No seriously, dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.

  • 1

    • Monster

    • What do you call a retarded three legged doggo heckin pupper monster? A 1996 Dodge Neon with a broken tail light cover and 166,748.46 miles on the odometer.

    It could use a tune up and it needs a new transmission soon. New rear tires and a new radiator. Test drives with cash in hand. HMU motivated seller. Don’t waste my time and no lowballs.

  • 1

    • Grandma

    • My Grandma, like any other, got an APPLE IPHONE 12, but as we all know, we get dumb, and so we buy a phone. My grandma did not even know how to use it. She even said, "How do I go on Google?" I told her, "YOU CAN'T!" My grandma was, like, "Yeah right, how do I do it?"

    Comment down below, does your grandma do this?

    Shit

    • Teacher: Johnny, can you use a sentence with "definitely" in it?

    Little Johnny: Do farts have lumps in them?

    Teacher: Of course not, Johnny.

    Little Johnny: Then I’ve definitely shat myself.

  • 4

    • Base

    • "Hi, Mrs. Jackson, can Matt come out and play?"

    "Oh, Johnny, you know Matt doesn't have any arms or legs."

    "I know, we just wanted to use him as third base."

  • 0