Use jokes
Girls are like math; if they're under ten, then you use your fingers.
Your forehead is so big, they used it for the Berlin Wall and the USA border.
What is the best shield to use during a battle? The emo kid.
My Grandma, like any other, got an APPLE IPHONE 12, but as we all know, we get dumb, and so we buy a phone. My grandma did not even know how to use it. She even said, "How do I go on Google?" I told her, "YOU CAN'T!" My grandma was, like, "Yeah right, how do I do it?"
Comment down below, does your grandma do this?
I used to work for a company called 69. My friend took over my position.
Why do lawyers use Viagra? To grow taller.
A father tells his 10-year-old son...
"Sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on your cereal every morning and you will have a very long life."
His son followed his father's advice every morning without missing a day until he died at the age of 186, leaving behind 28 children, 67 grandchildren, 148 great-grandchildren, and a 7-foot crater where the crematory used to be.
If you're gonna razor yourself, you might as well have shaving cream.
Yo mama so fat,
Donald Trump himself tried to use her as his border wall in 2016.
You're so dumb that every time you use the bathroom, you use your shoe to wipe your ass.
I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.
Depression is like therapy; the more you see it, the more you get used to it.
What do you call a retarded three legged doggo heckin pupper monster? A 1996 Dodge Neon with a broken tail light cover and 166,748.46 miles on the odometer.
It could use a tune up and it needs a new transmission soon. New rear tires and a new radiator. Test drives with cash in hand. HMU motivated seller. Don’t waste my time and no lowballs.
What has teeth but doesn't use them to chew? The answer would be a comb or a piano, but technically, if you ripped someone's teeth out and hand them to them, they have teeth but can't chew with them.
My dad always used to beat me, but he never beat cancer.
An orphan uses a family bathroom, and when he comes out, he gets told, "This is a family bathroom."
What does an Emo kid and Ted Bundy have in common?
They're both gay and use knives.
Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."
Teacher: Johnny, can you use a sentence with "definitely" in it?
Little Johnny: Do farts have lumps in them?
Teacher: Of course not, Johnny.
Little Johnny: Then I’ve definitely shat myself.
Why don’t Asians use phones?
Cuz they wing da wrong number!!!