Use jokes
Why did he go to hell? Because he couldn't use the stairs to Heaven.
The twin towers are like genders, there used to be two of them.
Q. What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?
A. A seatbelt.
People are pushing for a new black Lady Liberty coin. I can't wait to use black people as currency again.
Tried to kill myself today using a bungee cord, I kept ALMOST dying.
What weapon does a fat Jedi use?
A heavy saber.
A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast."
"I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."
She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.
After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The... bastard.....used.....coins."
If an orphan wins the lottery, what do they have to use all of it on?
Years of child support!
When Stephen Hawking was feeling hungry, he used to call in to his local PC World for a megabyte and some microchips.
Your hairline looks like someone tried to erase it using Microsoft Paint.
Me: The last time I used Duolingo was when the dinosaurs went extinct.
Duolingo: Lemme send my twins 2 go 2 ur houze (I got sideways8 twins)
Rules of Dark humor:
1. All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits.
2. No saying "Me" or "My Life" as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes.
3. Don't Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that.
I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site.
- Sincerely, Zane
Why couldn't the orphan use the swing? Because they had no arms.
Your hairline is so bad when I looked at you, I had to use accessibility.
How does Stephen Hawking get clean?
He uses Tesco car wash.
Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)
Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.
9/11 is like genders.
There used to be two of them, and now it’s a touchy subject.
What do you say when the toilet is clogged?
Oh shit!
Setting: Funeral Home
Customer: Yes, I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation, but I feel that's silly to ask.
Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over here at a discounted 75 percent off.
Customer: Okay? What's the catch? That's almost 300 dollars off?
Funeral Director: I assure you these are top-of-the-line urns and will keep your loved ones' remains secure and dry.
Customer: Okay?
Funeral Director: Yep, these have only been used once, so it is absolutely worth the purchase.
By: MiniMemorials.com
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Good Year, the other’s a great year.