Use jokes
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
There used to be two until they divided into multiple pieces.
Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them?
I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism.
Q: How do you cover a Chinese's eyes?
A: Use dental floss.
Your hairline looks like someone tried to erase it using Microsoft Paint.
Bleach solves so many problems:
Stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation of orphans.
What kind of shells do tanks use to cheat?
A-cheat shells.
What do hockey players and cops have in common?
They both use sticks to hit something black.
What's the difference between you and Hitler? At least he knows how to use an oven.
What type of tape do kidnappers use?
Abduct-Tape.
Bro used the quadratic formula to calculate the velocity of your -234 going down hairline.
What's the difference between a used condom and the UCP?
The condom was actually useful at one point.
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
One day, Little Johnny needs to use the bathroom. His mom is in there, so he went in to use it and asked his mom, "What is that between your legs?"
His mom told him that is her bush. Then the next day the same thing happened, but with his dad. He asked his dad, "What is that between his legs?" He said, "My snake."
The same thing happened one more time, except with his grandmother. Little Johnny asked grandma what is on her chest. She said, "My headlights."
One night, Little Johnny caught his parents doing something naughty. Then he said, "Grandma, grandma, turn on your headlights! Daddy's snake is trying to get into mommy's bush!"
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?
Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."
Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"
Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.
Billy: "I'm so used to having you in bed with me, I don't know if I'm ready for this long-distance relationship."
Sally: "Ohh, don't worry brother, I'll just be right down the hall..."
A man finds his son climbing the roof of his house. The kid kept using all sorts of material to climb up, but the dad didn't pay much attention.
Next day the kid went to the state tower and kept climbing using some adhesive gloves. The dad asks his son for a second time: "Son! Why are you doing this?" The son replies: "You told me to aim up high!"
The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."
I posted up on my story that I got a new cut. My friends and family called the cops...
I used to be emo.
What kind of paper towel do they use in special education classrooms?
Downey.