Use

Use jokes

Skeleton

I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.

Baker

I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries.

Guy

I knew a guy who used to sell wrenches. He was all torque.

Lesbian

Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?

He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.

Parrot

One day there was a frantic call at the fire department:

"Help me, help me! There is a cat meowing nearby. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you help me, and send the fire squad right away?"

"Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax and wait until he leaves."

"You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"

"Cats aren’t venomous or in any other way dangerous, now who is calling?"

"I’m Indy's parrot you twit! Now help me! Please help, please help!"

Hitler

What was one cool thing about Hitler?

He used to paint his thoughts on the wall with a gun.

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  • Woman

    Women are like rolls of toilet paper. They are either really cheap or expensive, you use them a lot, and they deal with a lot of sh*t.

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  • Porn

    My wife and I’s gay marriage counselor advised us to watch porn together. So, we decided to try it out one day and search up lesbian shemale porn.

    And that’s the day she found out she was a porn star.

    Plant

    What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?

    Penaldo

    It was a sunny day and I was in school. I had history lessons and we had a cool subject! The subject was about Penaldo, the man who statpadded against small teams and camped in the pen spot! Our teacher showed us a map with marked countries in which Penaldo dived like a dolphin!

    Gun

    Am tired of my country!!!! How can two policemen use one gun?

    Skyrim

    Me: I used to laugh at Skyrim jokes like you, then I took an...

    Everyone Else: DON'T...FUCKING...SAY IT.

    Emo

    What's the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and an Emo?

    They're both gay and use knives.

    Chuck Norris

    Sonic can run around the world in a second. I can do it in 0.5, but Chuck Norris has already done it before us.

    Sister

    GF: What did you use as kissing when you were little?

    Me: My sister.

    SWEET HOME ALABAMAA

    Computer

    How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using a computer?

    There is sperm on the screen.