Use jokes

What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?

What's the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and an Emo?

They're both gay and use knives.

It was a sunny day and I was in school. I had history lessons and we had a cool subject! The subject was about Penaldo, the man who statpadded against small teams and camped in the pen spot! Our teacher showed us a map with marked countries in which Penaldo dived like a dolphin!

Am tired of my country!!!! How can two policemen use one gun?

GF: What did you use as kissing when you were little?

Me: My sister.

SWEET HOME ALABAMAA

Sonic can run around the world in a second. I can do it in 0.5, but Chuck Norris has already done it before us.

Sad to think about legend O.G. Mudbone being no longer with us.

I’m only curious how they closed his casket.

I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.

Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

Your forehead is so big that babies can use it as a full-sized football pitch!

Yo momma so fat, her four kids use her as a bed and her fat rolls as cozy blankets.

What should you use to battle a T-Rex?

A dino-sword.

Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.

If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.

These people who are offended by rape jokes don’t even understand humor. They think of humor as like a happy thing because humor makes us laugh and laughter makes us happy, but most of the jokes that we laugh at are filled with pain and suffering. If I take a joke like, how many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black. Now that joke isn’t making light of the fact that people have marched in the civil rights movement and people have been racially discriminated against. It’s not making light of those, what it’s doing is it’s taking that pain and suffering and making you transcend it for a moment, and showing the absurdity of the human mind, and that is important. Humor at its best takes the bad things in this world that are painful and hard to deal with and makes it something funny.

And before you go in the comments and say I agree with rape, I don’t. I hope everybody who rapes someone to have their dick cut off. My little sister got fucking raped when she was six, and the guy is lucky he got caught by the police and not me, cause if I caught I would have fucking killed him, so I don’t agree with rape, but I still think rape jokes should still not be taken so seriously!

There used to be Wonder Woman.

Now we wonder, what is a woman?

My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?

It's always the little things that make us laugh.

The brain named itself, and when the brain realized that it named itself, it was surprised.

But maybe, it was a spelling mistake and the brain wanted the name Brian. We all have a little Brian in us!

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.

What do lesbians and mechanics have in common?

They both use strap on tools.

Yo papa's wife is so dumb and fat that we had to use yo papa.