Use jokes

Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.

Nine months later, they happily had some use for their baby carriage.

Two years later, they went up again, then their daughter had a brother.

But one little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother.

What is a glory hole at the adult book store used for?

Campaign contributions to the Republican Party.

Yo mama's so fat, she used a telephone pole as a tampon.

I remember when I was a kid, I thought the world used to be colorless.

I was kinda right. They used to not let colors in a lot of areas.

Donald Trump is making hospitals so poor that they are using kidney beans for their transplants.

What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.

I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.

I guess you can say she had me in a trans.

Why do orphans never use other people's Wi-Fi?

So they can be connected.

Q: What do pedophiles use for allergic reactions?

A: An Epstein pen.

Why didn’t Harry Potter use the chamber to teach Dumbledore’s army?

Because at one point poisonous gases were put in it.

Why don’t orphans know how to use a phone?

Because they don’t know where home is.

I used to think 11/11 was mistakenly 9/11.

This isn't a joke, but I'm a survivor and use humor to cope. I find these extremely funny, so please leave the people writing these alone 😭

What were Brian Cant's last words before he died?

"I used to do it, but now I cant!"

Me: I know how to use a microwave!

Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!

Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."

Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."

Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."

My last thought: Am I a murderer?

I used to work at a candlestick factory, but only on the wickends! It was illuminating!

Rocks are used too much; people take 'em for granite.

Playing a game called 7-Up.

Student: Why can't I use a pencil to tap their fingers?

Teacher: It's cheating!

Student: No! It's the object of the game.

How do rappers stay cool?

They use RAP-SICLES.