Use

Use jokes

Sister

GF: What did you use as kissing when you were little?

Me: My sister.

SWEET HOME ALABAMAA

Computer

How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using a computer?

There is sperm on the screen.

Legend

Sad to think about legend O.G. Mudbone being no longer with us.

I’m only curious how they closed his casket.

Forehead

Your forehead is so big that babies can use it as a full-sized football pitch!

Chess

Why do US suck at chess? We lost both our towers.

Why is England so good at chess? They still have their queen.

Why does Russia suck at chess? They only have pawns.

Memes

Pencil

I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.

Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

Momma

Yo momma so fat, her four kids use her as a bed and her fat rolls as cozy blankets.

Friend

Troll your friend by saying "I" and saying "cup," and then tell them that that means "I see you pee."

LOL

There is also "lettuce cup," which means "let us see you pee."

Homework

One day a teacher says: "What does a pig give us?"

A student says: "Bacon!"

The teacher says: "Good! Now, what does a chicken give us?"

A student says: "Eggs!"

The teacher says: "Good! Now, what does a fat cow give us?"

A student says: "Homework!"

The whole class laughs.

Body

How do you make a body disappear?

You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!

P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.

Momma

Your momma's so fat, she had to take a selfie using the Hubble telescope.

Einstein

Fineman, Einstein, and Schrodinger walked into a bar.

Fineman says, "It appears we're inside a joke."

Einstein says, "But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously."

To which Schrodinger says, "If someone's looking through the window, I'm leaving!"