Use jokes
It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”
How's your day going?
Shut up, I didn't ask.
Use code tiko#teamfish
Why couldn't the orphan use the swing? Because they had no arms.
When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."
Me and a person downtown.
Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.
Me: I guess so.
Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?
Me: I don't know. I used to, but don't anymore.
Person: Why'd you stop?
Me: Unfortunately, I lived every time I'd try something.
What did the parents rearrange the furniture to punish a child?
Guess he was a stupid blind motherfucker 🖕 that didn't even know how to use a cane to figure out where they put the furniture.
How did Stephen Hawking really die?
His wife grounded him from using electronics and unplugged everything!
Poopy pants! Ha! Got 'em! Use Code Fred_5001 in the Fortnite item shop.
Why was Stephen Hawking arrested? The police used computer GPS.
What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.
Q. Why was the orphan unable to use the phone?
A. He was trying to phone home.
Your hairline is so bad when I looked at you, I had to use accessibility.
The teacher was terrified to hear Little Johnny swear.
“I never want you to use language like that again. Where on earth did you pick it up?”
“From my father,” said Johnny.
“Well, he should be ashamed of himself. And it’s no reason for you to talk like that. You don’t even know what it means.”
“I do,” said Johnny. “It means the car won’t start.”
Kiwi's forehead is so big when he leaves to go to work he has to use a sunroof to drive. 😏
Why did he go to hell? Because he couldn't use the stairs to Heaven.
What does Germany and the rest of the world have in common? They both use gases to poison one thing or another.
I used to be a banker but I lost interest.
Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She always ran away from the ball.
Why can’t bikes stand? Because they are two tired (Too tired).
Yo mama is so skinny, she uses floss as toilet paper.
Condoms? HA! Those are for pussies!
Yo momma so fat that she was used as a tank in Putin's war.