Use jokes
Your momma's so fat, she had to take a selfie using the Hubble telescope.
Why don't you use a dull pencil?
Because there's no point. 😐😑😑
My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.
What do LGBTQ+ people use as a weapon in THG (The Hunger Games)?
A rainbow.
Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?
Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.
|| 20 YEARS LATER ||
Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?
Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.
Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.
What hates socialism but still uses roads, police, and says they support the military?
Dumb right wingers.
Win a free ride in a police car! Just pick up a knife and use it!
Women: “Men used to go to war, now they go to clubs.”
Men: “Women used to fear their nudes getting leaked, now it’s $3.99.”
What do you white people use as pronouns?
Crack/her.
What should you do to prevent dry skin? Use a towel.
Yo hairline was used as the blueprint for the Great Wall of China.
What do mermaids use to write with?
Sea pens.
If we can't say "God" in vain, why does He get to?
Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall, his mom did a terri-fried call.
He got hurt in a egg-cident, and it never got eggs-elent.
When the eggs-plant was over, he got told to use the mower.
It happened too fast, he watched the very last.
Next he died, eaten all fried.
Your forehead's so big, NASA uses it to test satellite signals.
A man goes into heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa's clock, it has never moved because she has never lied." "There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice." "Where is Donald Trump's?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."
What kind of flour do orphans use to make bread?
Self-raising.
9/11 is like genders.
There used to be two of them, and now it’s a touchy subject.
Alright, so I have a few orphan jokes. I'm gonna put them all in one message.
Why can't orphans be gay? They have no one to call "daddy."
Why can't orphans go on a field trip? Parent signature: ______
New teacher: I used to be an orphan as a kid. Students: hahaha Teacher: Is anyone missing? Students: No one, just your parents.
Why did the orphan become a prostitute? They kept calling everyone "daddy."
Why do orphans have the iPhoneX? Because it has no home button.
"{[(Log date) 11 22 3] The Beginning} "This marks the first ever log of the Underground Fruit Association of n&c (ugfa). N, being code name for Nathaniel, and C, being code name for Connor. Our plan is to collect as many fruit cups as possible by the end of the year. This site will be a communication hub only and used for nothing else. We will plan and discuss courses of action, and collection." End of log"