Use jokes
Who needs storage on a computer? Just use an Asian's brain.
I saw Stephen Hawking using an ATM. It is nice to see he had found someone before he shut down.
When I was younger, I thought that it was cool to use knives because kids used to ask me to use them.
By the way, have you seen my sister?
I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called "serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.
Why is that a joke?
Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.
Why is that a joke?
Dude, come on, you want to start your day off happy or not?
Why is that a joke?
She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.
No seriously, dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.
What do you call a fat bitch that eats cum from used condoms? Your mom!
oh my
Why couldn't the orphan use the swing? Because they had no arms.
Your friend took a shower and used Pantene, but I got a watermelon to keep me clean.
I used to work at a candlestick factory, but only on the wickends! It was illuminating!
Why did he go to hell? Because he couldn't use the stairs to Heaven.
I used to work at a bank, then I lost interest.
A woman once didn't return home for the night, and the next morning when she arrived home, her husband started questioning her about where she had been. She lied, saying she slept at one of her friends' houses.
The man proceeded to call all her friends, all of whom denied her sleeping at their places the previous night.
Meanwhile, somewhere else, a man didn't return home to his wife for the night either. The following morning, his wife started questioning him, and he lied, saying he slept at a friend's house. She proceeded to call all his friends. All of them said that he indeed slept at their places the previous night, and one of them even insisted that he's still there, but he's using the bathroom and he can't talk right now!
My dad always used to beat me, but he never beat cancer.
Poopy pants! Ha! Got 'em! Use Code Fred_5001 in the Fortnite item shop.
How do you get a trans woman to commit suicide?
Use he/him pronouns on him.
What does a crooked lawyer who is not on the ACLU payroll have in common with a crooked politician who has an office in Washington, DC?
They both sign their names using a blue pen 🖊 🖊.
How do butts communicate?
By using CRACK-BERRIES!
Your mom is so ugly that she uses Snapchat filters to make her pretty.
What did Columbus use to cross the ocean?
He used a bus.
What do stomata use to fill their pools?
Chlor-ine.
Parents: Why do you use your phone on the toilet?
Me: The same reason you read the newspaper on the toilet.