Use jokes
Your mamma so fat she has to use the equator as her belt.
How do you stop your newspaper from flying away in the wind? -- Use a news anchor.
You're so skinny that your mom had to use a whole shampoo bottle on your head, but she still couldn’t find you.
What type of file does it take to turn a 4 mm hole to a 44 mm hole?
A pedophile.
I was reading a book one day when I suddenly heard a sound. It was the Grim Reaper. I ignored it and continued reading my book. Suddenly, I realized that I was one of the main characters, which, at the end, dies.
I used to like fireworks, but I'm dead now. Fireworks look like a charm if you don't mind something a little ghostly.
What lies beneath your nose and is being picked on? Your boogers.
What does Michael Jackson and McDonald's have in common?
They both use 30-year-old meat in between two-year-old buns.
What does the Trump administration use instead of emails? Alternative fax.
How do you trick a Catholic priest into using the glory hole at an adult bookstore? Tell him it is a confessional booth.
Please stop using this thread. It is cancer.
Why are bees' hair sticky?
Because they use honeycombs!
My friend had this annoying little kid that always used to yell and scream when he didn't get what he wanted. I told my friend there's a new attraction a few states away he could take him to.
Confused, my friend asked me what it was. I told him, "The Sandy Hook Experience: Where you come in and leave with a 'hole' lot of fun."
I just came across a pile of cash in the parking lot.
Usually I just use tissues.
I really used to be into emo chicks. Now they just don't make the cut.
What phone do midgets use?
A MICROphone.
Stephen Hawking isn’t dead, he’s just using VPN.
What's white, red, blue, and brown all over?
The American flag I used to wipe my ass with.
It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.
Weird.
Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.
I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took a dick in the ass.
What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and your step sis? You need to use protection for the nuclear reactor.
What does the pedophile use for bait? Trix!