Use jokes
My wife said, "Why oh why have you ordered carpet, our house is lovely?"
Thankfully the carpet was put to good use in the end, no more stupid comments coming from a rolled up Emily in the bottom of the ocean!
I used to have an imaginary friend who I could talk to, and he could grant me wishes and stuff... and then I stopped going to church.
How do you trap a shape? You use a trapezoid.
How do you blindfold an Asian?
You use dental floss.
I was going to kill them with kindness, but then I realized using a knife is a lot faster.
What do lesbians love to use in art class?
Scissors.
When you're in a cage But it's not real!
Being in a cage But you have the key.
Being in a cage But nobody sees you.
Being outside of a cage, but it's empty.
Living and realizing you've been born into one.
Thinking someone cared about you But turns out they're toxic as fu**.
But you can't live without them.
The cage Is you. You have the key But you don't know how to use it.
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
Yo mama so fat, she uses the equator as her belt.
You're so short that you use a ladder to reach the potato chips!
A baby is like another step. You use it just the same as the other steps.
When your husband can’t afford a punching bag, he uses his wife.
Orphan: Where are my parents?
God: New York City.
Orphan: But they used to live in China.
A little riddle...
Trump has it short, Kennedy has it long, the Pope has it but he doesn't use it, what is it?
...
Obviously the Surname, what are you thinking about you pervert?
Yo mama so fat,
Donald Trump himself tried to use her as his border wall in 2016.
Hello worstjokesever.com, I am not typing but instead using a microphone to speech, ding me a period.
I don’t see what’s coming up, but I don’t know why I am sending, so it will be random or funny or just stupid, LOL. So like and subscribe and...
What kind of shells do tanks use to cheat?
A-cheat shells.
A father tells his 10-year-old son...
"Sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on your cereal every morning and you will have a very long life."
His son followed his father's advice every morning without missing a day until he died at the age of 186, leaving behind 28 children, 67 grandchildren, 148 great-grandchildren, and a 7-foot crater where the crematory used to be.
What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.
What does Michael Jackson and McDonald's have in common?
They both use 30-year-old meat in between two-year-old buns.