Use jokes

I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.

I conducted a survey. I asked 100 women what kind of shampoo they used while they were in the shower? 98 of them said, "How the fuck did you get in here?" 😂😂😂

For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.

Osama be like: "Fuck boys, runway is full, better use this tower!"

What is the difference between shroud and a shroud imposter?

Shroud uses reddit, and the imposter uses WJE.

Reddit king and q, I really dgaf what you say, you guys are practically obsessed with me cuz ur leaving hate comments on almost all my jokes, so stop. You're obviously gonna look bad if you just insult meh jokes.

If you guys dont like my jokes, you can just dislike and not leave a comment, ok?

Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?

Fo' drizzle.

Your forehead is so big that teachers use it as a whiteboard.

What do ants use when they're stinky?

Deodorant.

How did they figure out what kind of shampoo Paul Walker used? They found his “head and shoulders” in the dash.

What type of file does it take to turn a 4 mm hole to a 44 mm hole?

A pedophile.

I used to be emo, but I don't cut myself to solve my problems anymore.

I just drink a bunch of liquor like an adult.

Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.

"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."

"Oh, cool."

"This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."

"Makes sense."

"This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."

"Where’s Trump’s clock?"

"Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."

And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.

I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self-control.

I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.

So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!

We used to have a tail on the back... and now it moves forward.

Don't use Head and Shoulders, just use Head; otherwise, you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through.

Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.

"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."

"Oh, cool."

"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."

"Makes sense."

"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."

"Where's Trump's clock?"

"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."

And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.

I used to look up to my mom, but now that I am 12, I look down on her.

You’re so short, you could use a pillow as your bed and still have some wiggle room.

What does Biden do? He does you.

What does do something useful unlike you?