Use jokes
Why couldn't the orphan use the swing? Because they had no arms.
How does Stephen Hawking get clean?
He uses Tesco car wash.
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I finally had to take his bike away.
Your hairline looks like someone tried to erase it using Microsoft Paint.
Q. What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?
A. A seatbelt.
Your hairline is so bad when I looked at you, I had to use accessibility.
When Stephen Hawking was feeling hungry, he used to call in to his local PC World for a megabyte and some microchips.
At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”
What hates socialism but still uses roads, police, and says they support the military?
Dumb right wingers.
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"
I got so bad about cutting myself every time I went to the bathroom, I wanted to break my jacket zipper off and use that!
Setting: Funeral Home
Customer: Yes, I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation, but I feel that's silly to ask.
Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over here at a discounted 75 percent off.
Customer: Okay? What's the catch? That's almost 300 dollars off?
Funeral Director: I assure you these are top-of-the-line urns and will keep your loved ones' remains secure and dry.
Customer: Okay?
Funeral Director: Yep, these have only been used once, so it is absolutely worth the purchase.
By: MiniMemorials.com
The twin towers are like genders, there used to be two of them.
People are pushing for a new black Lady Liberty coin. I can't wait to use black people as currency again.
Tried to kill myself today using a bungee cord, I kept ALMOST dying.
It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Good Year, the other’s a great year.
What's the difference between you and Hitler? At least he knows how to use an oven.
Rules of Dark humor:
1. All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits.
2. No saying "Me" or "My Life" as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes.
3. Don't Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that.
I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site.
- Sincerely, Zane
Hi, my name is Unknown Guy! Please join my group for the picture I show you, we will do this every week!
Thanks, leave a comment or sign in using the sign in sheet that I have in Google Forms or own the website.
Hint: Pictures of woman.
Btw, for men only!