Use jokes
When can an elephant use an umbrella and not get wet?
When it's not raining.
My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.
Used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask...
Yet here I am, stuck at home in this COVID-19 "Thriller," beating it...
My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?
What’s the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic is usually a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.
What pronouns would Michael Jackson have used as a Gender Identifier?
“He/he.”
An old professor’s class used to begin with a dirty joke.
Following one particularly vulgar joke, the girls in the class decided to walk out the next time he began.
When the professor learned of this planned protest, he came in the next morning and said, “Good morning, class. Did you hear about the scarcity of whores in Newfoundland?”
With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.
“Wait, ladies,” called the professor, “The boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”
Your hairline design was used as the Batman logo!
What is the difference between me and food?
Food has a use.
LEGO Ninjago - I like it, okay?
Which of the ninja would be best for an undercover mission as the person in disguise?
Kai. He just has to leave his hair down and no one would know it was him. He uses hair gel, as Cole has said a couple times I think, because his hair looks like fire 🔥!
How do you embarrass a female archaeologist?
Give her a used tampon and ask which period it came from.
One time I was at home alone with my dawgy, and I was eating peanut butter. I thought since it's oily, I could use it as a lotion, so I spread it all over my private part. My dawgy came over and started licking the peanut butter off my private part, and my private part got big and hard. Then, white stuff came out of my wee wee, and my dawgy started looking up at me and whining.
And then my daddy came home and saw what I was doing and shouted, "What are you doing?" And I said I was using peanut butter on my private part. Then he said, "Well, let me have a taste." And then he started doing what my dawgy was doing.
My father always used to say:
"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."
Until the accident.
Not a joke but there's nowhere else to post this, (mainly this post is for the broke people without a gym). Did you know that the body can't tell if you're using weights? So lifting weights are optional.
Some beginner workouts without weights for like really weak people:
1. Sit-ups 10 reps 2. Push-ups 20 per reps 3. Squats 10 per reps 4. Crunches 10 per reps
What should you do if you meet a giant? Use big words.
What do pigs use to clean up? Hogwash.
What should you do to prevent dry skin? Use a towel.
What do you call a pig who knows how to use a knife? A pork chop.
Me: uses the crucifix.
Rush: Ahahahahahahæanananana!