Ups jokes
I had an Alzheimer's joke, but something's fogging up my mind.
Why did the parachute break up with the skydiver?
Because it was tired of being taken for granted every time things fell apart.
Tonight, I picked up an anorexic prostitute.
It was really easy because she was only about 90 pounds.
Why did the rapper oil up his notepad?
In case he needed to DROP some FREESTYLE NOTES!
I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.
What's the different when a little boy drops in Japan then and now?
When a little boy falls today he gets back up. But then everyone fell and never came back up.
If Stephen Hawking was an Xbox... he just red ringed and rose up to GameStop.
Why can't an orphan go on away games?
Their parent will never show up!
What did one canyon say to the other?
You stay here, I'm gonna rise up on ahead.
Over summer, I shot up my school and left a note saying, "I could have done this anytime!"
I walked up to a cat and started to sing a song. The cat said, "HECK NO!" then ran off. I follow it while still singing "BABY COME HOME TO ME!!"
Stop putting up bad jokes, boi!
What went up but never came down?
Stephen Hawking's IQ.
Yesterday, I was on a reality TV show where they locked me up with all those smelly monkeys from the Leger Zoo. It was complete madness.
I went up to the deaf kid and said, "I’m going to punch you in 3, 2, 1." And he ended up with a broken nose, and I said, "You should have listened to me!"
Me: Can you give me some drumsticks to eat?
Brother: Why though?
Me: So I can just drum up an appetite.
What does a school bus crash and a train crash have in common?
They always line up.
The hardest part of picking up a hitch hiker is tying them up.
Why do orphans love tornadoes? Because they always pick you up!
There’s this girl who gets bullied for being in a wheelchair.
Why don’t she stand up for herself?