Ups jokes

I thought it would be fun to become a shooter. It became less fun when I realized that "shooting a woman up" also included a condom.

So two dudes were at a bar and out of nowhere they hear, "Oi mate, talk to me like that again, I'm gonna shove this stick so far up your ass you'll look like a Popsicle."

I looked this quote up, but it really is a good thing, just for starters.

"Sometimes you will never know the VALUE of a moment until it becomes a MEMORY."

Me: Can you give me some drumsticks to eat?

Brother: Why though?

Me: So I can just drum up an appetite.

"Roses are red, shut up and go to bed."

A farmer had a donkey and a dog. One night, he was getting robbed by a thief. The donkey told the dog to bark, but the dog refused. So the donkey brayed very loudly, and the thief ran out of the house, and the farmer beat up the donkey.

xthegamer0 is 35. He grew up with GTA5 and is still playing it today.

Yo mama so fat, she can't pick up a dumbbell... the dumbbell pick her up.

Orphans are humans like everyone else, so suck it up, rude jerks!

Hey, yesterday I played with my sister. When I woke up, she was gone.

Did you hear about the nurse who couldn’t swim?

She ended up under the doc[tor].

If Stephen Hawking was an Xbox... he just red ringed and rose up to GameStop.

Why can't an orphan go on away games?

Their parent will never show up!

Over summer, I shot up my school and left a note saying, "I could have done this anytime!"

I walked up to a cat and started to sing a song. The cat said, "HECK NO!" then ran off. I follow it while still singing "BABY COME HOME TO ME!!"

What did one canyon say to the other?

You stay here, I'm gonna rise up on ahead.

Stop putting up bad jokes, boi!

The hardest part of picking up a hitch hiker is tying them up.

Up (DYM 94).

Teacher: Here, have candy.

Kid: No, I’m too fat.

Teacher: Shut up, or I’m gonna fail you.

*Next week*

Teacher: Okay kids, get off the floor and go back to your seats.

Kid: I’m too fat to get up.

Teacher: Don’t you remember what I said?

Kid: Yep, elephants don’t forget.