Ups jokes

Mommy, Mommy! Are we werewolves?

Shut up and comb your face.

Your dad left you because he went for milk.

*1,000,000 years later*

Her: Dad come back!

Him: FBI open up!

Pop-up. P

Have you ever heard of horchata? Horchata, fuck up!

Stop putting up bad jokes, boi!

And just look up anything that is hot! And don't forget to comment!

Farmer's Wife: Honey, where are the cows?

Farmer: Up in the mountains grazing.

Farmer's Wife: Why?

Farmer: I don't know, but the steaks have never been higher.

I had sex, but ended up going "uuyaahh!"

Two gays came into the bar and said, "What's up, you big faf mother of hell?"

Did you hear about the nurse who couldn’t swim?

She ended up under the doc[tor].

What did one canyon say to the other?

You stay here, I'm gonna rise up on ahead.

Over summer, I shot up my school and left a note saying, "I could have done this anytime!"

I walked up to a cat and started to sing a song. The cat said, "HECK NO!" then ran off. I follow it while still singing "BABY COME HOME TO ME!!"

Same old boring ass day, until a person with Parkinson's fainted and got everyone's attention.

He really shook things up today.

This ole boy that's locked up called his ole lady and got into it with her, and she said, "Well, fuck you, I don't need you no more anyway. I got 2 or 3 guys out here wanting me and trying to fuck me."

He said, "Well, honey, that's the least of my worries. I got 10 or 12 guys in here tryin' to fuck me."

So I went to a mall and I was finna buy something... and I saw a little boy and he said "hello," so then I passed by him and he said "hi," and I was like "hi nigga," and he said, "um, just wondering something... I mean I like jokes, but what is dark humor?" And I was like "umm🤔.. it's like 🤔🤔...like you see that guy without legs? Tell him to stand up"... and he said "I'm blind nigga" and I said "exactly homie"... aight nigga peace and look out😏😉

You used to call me on your cellphone when you need my love.

Mad girl: SHUT UP! YOU ARE SO ANNOYING! I DON'T WANT TO CALL YOU ON MY CELL PHONE!

A dog was in the vet's waiting room and another dog asked, "What are you here for?"

"Well, my owner was looking under her bed for something while naked and I couldn't resist, so I mounted up and screwed her senseless."

"Oh, so you're here to get neutered?"

"Nah, I'm just getting my nails clipped."

After having a win at bingo, Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea.

During the meal, her daughter asked her mum what it was, to which she replied with a little smile... "It's what I call your father."

Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin', "Oh My God! Don't eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!"

Teacher: Ok class good morning, we are going to start off by what kind of sound animals make.

Teacher: Ok, what sound does a pig make?

Class: A cow says mo mo.

Teacher: Good.

Teacher: What does a sheep make?

Class: A sheep says maa maaa.

Teacher: Good! Now what does a pig say?

Little Johnny: A pig says "Put your hands up and get agenst the wall you black mother fucke*."