Ups Jokes

So a woman walked into a bar. There was a man. She went up to him and said, "You're cute." He said, "Yeah, and you don't deserve equal rights."

Jacob Wheet, if you don't understand, look it up.

I was wearing a mask and told the teacher I ate her vagina. She said what? I pulled my mask down and said, "No, I said I like your hyenas." Then a kid sees me do it, but he only heard the first part, so he goes up to the teach and says, "I'ma fuck you tonight." She said, "Pull your mask down," and he pulls his mask down and says, "I'ma fuck you tonight."

Q: What's the best way to eat a squirrel?

A: Open up its little legs.

Why is a giraffe's neck so long?

Because his head is so high up in the air.

talking to that one friend

A photo of a smiling blonde woman with a text overlay. The text reads "TRY TO TELL JOKES. MESSES THEM UP HORRIBLE EVERY TIME".

EVERYONE:

"My boyfriend, Danny, broke up with me. Can some hot guy come, so I can interview them and see if they wanna date me?"

Why do Indian people have bad tempers? Because when they were growing up, their parents told them they couldn't have a cow, so they threw a tantrum instead.

I was doing a 10km run with my good friend Pessi. As we were setting up our smart watches, the watch voice asked us if we wanted to do a solo run or a group run.

Pessi proceeded to smash both our watches and shout, “I don’t want solo run, I want Penalty!”

Shame on you, Pessi!

What's up?

A rocket from NASA.

OMG SO FUNNYY!

Where’s the English Channel?

Johnny: “I don’t know. My television doesn’t pick it up.”

What do you call a car on the side of the road, lit up and ablaze?

Paul Walker's death.

You're so ugly, your mother thought about setting you up for adoption.

You may not like me, but you still look up to me.

SHUT UP EVERYBODY!

Everyone, Alya is okay!!!!!!!!!! She got up, she can walk, and she can talk regular!!!!

An orphan was playing with a famous baseball player. The baseball player walks up to him and says, "Dude, I gotta teach you." The orphan goes, "Why? I got all your moves down." The baseball player goes, "But kid, you can never find home, though."

I killed myself, then woke up.

Alright ALYA and drew ALYA's boyfriend!! Have a good fucking life, I hardly even think drew is real but uk whatever I've passed on but DREW if u fucking wanna beef, I'll fight u bro, ur prob a stick, I'm fucking doing push ups 4 times a week 100 each.