Ups jokes

During the holidays in the fruit bowl, the orange walked up to the banana and said, "Berry Christmas!"

Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"

I always loved going to Bill Cosby's house; he always greeted me when I woke up with "Rapey-rapey, eggs and bakey."

Son: Hey dad, why is my name Canada?

Dad: Because you were made there.

Mum: We haven't been to Canada.

Dad: Hol' up a minute.

A child with cancer says, "Mother, what will I be when I grow up?"

Then the mother says, "Shut up, dick, you have cancer!" Hehehe.

10 dicks up your mom's ass!

Teacher: "Stand up, class!"

She is sitting down.

Teacher: "Whoever stands up is stupid!"

They asked JFK Jr. if he wanted to shower before his flight. He said, "No, I'll just wash up on shore!"

Why can’t a tree have sex? They are always tied up.

Friends, who's your barber? They mess up big time.

Me.

You're just jealous because my dad cuts my hair for free, and you have to be paying 30 dollars just for that short-ass cut.

I am a good role model, because you look up to me. Deez nuts!

One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.

I’m breaking up with you, bitch.

How do you hire a horse? Easy. Just put up a ladder.

What do Americans and stars have in common?

They both love shooting up.

Isn't having depersonalization mean that you like the animatronics off of FNAF/Five Nights at Freddy's?

(If you don't know what depersonalization is, look it up.)

What's the difference between a cop and bacon?

Bacon is full of fat and makes you feel good. A cop is full of shit and will make you feel their hot steamy cock as they ram it up your ass with some justice sprinkled on top.

Where does bad light end up at?

In prism.

"BlessedBrian" is like Monday mornings... everyone dreads him, but somehow he KEEPS SHOWING UP.

Yo, your hairline so messed up God said your hairline on the cross getting hit on that cross.

Why did the chair file a restraining order?

The booty wouldn't stop cracking up!