Ups jokes
Why did the suicide bomber get promoted?
Because he was blowing up at work. 💀😈
What do Israel and Epstein have in common?
"Look at that, time to blow up some kids."
Why was the man running around his bed?
Because he needed to catch up on his sleep!
Me be straight and bored.
Goes to my local bar which has a glory hole.
Out up spending the rest of the night there.
About to leave when, motherfucker, I realize I've been sucking a guy's cock this whole time.
):
2, 4, 6, 8, you're staying up too late.
2, 4, 6, 8, all I do is master bait.
Q: How many men does it take to open up a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.
xthegamer0 is 35. He grew up with GTA5 and is still playing it today.
He is looking for children. If you don't know who EDP445 is, look him up.
Be careful around EDP445.
Why did Bella Thorne pass gas on "Shake It Up Chicago?" Because I gave her too split pea soup for breakfast.
A child with cancer: "I want to be like you when I grow up." Doctor: "Oh, you're not going to grow up."
A B C D E F G.
Gummy bears are chasing me, one is red, one is blue. One is chewing up my shoe. Now I'm running for my life because the red one's got a knife!
Little Johnny brought a baseball bat to school.
The teacher asked why he had one. He said, "I need it to beat up the principal!"
When the principal found out what Little Johnny had said, well, let’s just say Little Johnny didn’t need no baseball bat to kill him.
What if Stephen Hawking was the Real Slim Shady, but no one knew because he couldn't stand up?
One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"
Gregg says to his friend, who is a girl, and says, "Hey, umm, do you, umm, want to do something?"
And the girl says, "Umm, sure, why not?"
Gregg says, "Well, then we have to go somewhere secretive."
The girl says, "Umm, well, ok."
Gregg says, "Great!" So Gregg brings Sally to a tree so no one can see them, and then Sally says, "So what are we going to do behind this big tree?"
Gregg says, "Well pull down your pants, and I'll show ya."
Sally says, "Ok, it sounds fun!" And then Gregg pulls his pants down and tells Sally to lay on the ground. Then he puts his dick in Sally's pussy, and he goes up and down, up and down, up and down, and then Sally starts to moan more and more, and then suddenly a teacher hears her moan, and then the teacher sees what Gregg and Sally are doing, and then the teacher gets in on it, and both Gregg and Sally start fucking the teacher, and then the teacher moans, and then the whole school makes their own sex groups, and the whole school has threesomes...
THE END
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself, "Where the f*ck is my roof?"
In Ukraine, there was a massive wake-up call by Russia. But for some, the results were the opposite.
Yo, barber fucked up so bad he pulled out a "Plants vs. Zombies" map and that shii fit perfectly.
My brother has a fucking ass and I wake up to him twerking.
What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?
“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”