When my son was little, he loved to draw. Although he would always rip up the paper whenever there was one little slip up. Too bad he became a tattoo artist.....
I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up..
I now suffer from anxiety aND depression :\
An orphan was running down the road.. a car pulled up and said "get in" so the orphan got in and said "where we going?" the kidnapper said "i'm taking you to my house" he orphan replied "OML YOUR ADOPTING ME!?"
Stephen hawking once stood up to bow down to chuck norris
Cheer Up!! Old age doesn't last that long!
My friend was feeling low today so I went up to her and said "You know I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life" I don't think she likes me now
What is the worst comedy for disabled people?
Stand Up Comedy!
Did you hear about the magician who did magic with chocolate? I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.
This is a poem my younger sister when she was three, recited to a crowd and I will never forget it. It is very short though.
Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.
Me: I look up to you Friend: Wow, thanks! Me: But in general cuz your so tall
When you accidentally wipe a little too hard and your finger goes up your bumhole, triggering flashbacks of when you were 10 and your uncle stayed a few weeks 😂
When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he's pushing the Earth down.
i hooked up with the groom at my uncle's wedding
After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he’ll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some water, Jill pulled up her dress and said daddy fuck me harder.
Why did the bank robber shoot the man with no arms? Because he told the man to put his hands up
How did the cow break up with the other cow? He said he moo-ved on
why can't orphans play online games. Because they don't have parents to sign them up
Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up. Class: *no one stands up* Teacher: Oh c'mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room* Little Johnny: *stands up* Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you're dumb? Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you're standing alone.
I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: why didn't you drug her again so she would forget?
