Ups jokes
What do you call a guy whose hand is up a horse's butt?
An Amish Mechanic.
Dear math,
Please grow up and solve your own problems. I'm tired of solving them for you.
Thanks.
Can all the hot, depressed, suicidal guys just text me so we can meet up and cry together about how depressed we are. For real.
Oh no, I feel bad for Stephen Hawking. He can’t get up the stairway to Heaven.
I did so much research that I got bone-tired from doing this, tibia honest. You probably didn't find that humerus. I got a skeleton of these puns. I guess I could learn a femur puns. I was wondering if the creators of this site could talus how they come up with puns or maybe give some advice? I'm only 14 years old.
A kid milks a cow and goes to school and tells his friends, "I milked a cow, and it took awhile for it to warm up." His brother came over and said, "We don't have cows, we have bulls."
I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.
Your hairline's so messed up that even Martin Luther King Jr. couldn't have a dream about it.
A man sees a small boy begging for money. He walks up to him and asks him if he is an orphan.
The boy asks, "What gave me away?"
The man responds, "Your parents."
What’s the worst song to play in front of a vegetable? “James Brown - Get on Up”
What’s the worst song to play in front of a handicapped kid? “Van Halen - Jump”
What's the worst song to play in front of a black man in Minneapolis? “I Can't Breathe - Juice Wrld”
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.
What's an emo's favorite game?
Limbo.
(If you don't understand the joke, go look up what Limbo is.)
"Sir, in court, all your answers must be oral, okay?"
"Ok."
"What town did you grow up in?"
"Oral."
Me and my brother were called the twin towers. My brother lived up to his title after the plane crash.
What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late?
A cold shoulder.
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets?
Women.
What do you call a grown up with your sister? Your best friend.
You know what flowers and depressed people have in common?
Both end up getting cut.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
Sally threw herself a birthday party, and only one person showed up. Who is it?
The grim reaper.