Ups jokes

Go up to an orphan and say: "Yer ma is deed."

Quote Of The Day:

It's okay to struggle.

It's not okay to give up.

Why is Dawayne so small? Because his parents cut him up into small slices!

"Gwen don't want break up! Please talk to me!"

I woke up today, and my mom said it was 1940.

What do you call a fucked up mullet? A fullet.

Do you know the teacher that went up in space? She had blew eyes. One blew this way and one blew that way.

You're so ugly that every time you look up in the sky, God says, "Sorry, can't help you."

Deku: Hey Todoroki, are you done with your Halloween costume?

Todoroki: Yes. *comes out in a macaroni outfit*

Deku: Wha- I'm todoroni.

Bakugo: OMFG, I'm out! *blows up UA*

Yo forehead so angled, your mom could walk up.

Why was the belt arrested? Because it held up pants.

Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work, but he was still really tired, so he decided the quickest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face.

So he asked me to do it, but I guess I don't know my own strength, and so he went back to sleep again...

How do you communicate to the dead?

Jump up and down on the ground and speak in Morse code!

What's up with airline food?

Friend: What goes up but not down?

You: Your age.

Just got a new internet connected toaster. It wouldn't work until I enabled pop-ups!

Why does the paper follow up with wine because it was junk? Do wrong, so wrong that you don’t even exist because nobody even eats it. Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Haha ha ha! Haha ha haha ha ha! Ha hah hah hah ha!

The thing about animals is every time you pick one up, you have to put it down.

Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."

Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."

Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."

Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."

What's 2ft long, blue, and stiff and keeps a woman up all night?

Cot death.