Ups jokes

Jesus walks into a motel, puts three nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"

I hate "the woke" so much, I got mad when my mom said I "woke" up late for school.

I pulled my kid out of school after a woke teacher taught my six-year-old about pronouns! Yesterday, it was "he/she," today, "they/it," tomorrow, "I/you/we!"

I saw a girl with blond hair. She was sexy and beautiful. I thought she was the most hottest girl I ever saw, so I ran up to her feeling hot.

There was a guy who got his whole left side shot off.

When he was at the hospital and he woke up, he asked the doctor if he was okay.

The doctor said, "You're all right now."

So, one day Kylin Banks was playing football. Then he saw Violet. After he saw her, he got bricked up. Then he ran after her and rubbed his pickle all over her. She was so happy.

What is an old lady's favorite exercise?

Trying to get up from the soft couch.

Chuck Norris came up with the name for Walker, Texas Ranger in sheer brilliance. You can arrange each letter for the name of the show to display the true name being "Wrangler Karate Sex!"

The only thing running in THIS family’s your big ass mouth! Oh, I’d better shut up, or Big Bertha’s gonna confuse my head for a burger!

One time I broke a leg and I was using a wheelchair.

My parents thought I was a disappointment and put me up on eBay, the Ohioan Black Market, and the nearest adoption center.

Hairline is so far up, Patrick Mahomes can't even sell to a wide receiver.

Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?

Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!

Your hairline's so far up, they call it a skyline!

Qassem Soleimani is so popular today.

I mean, he just blew up overnight!

EDP445 is a cupcake. Look it up.

Shut your transparent hairline up.

Yo mama is so ugly that Rick Astley gave her up.

What hurts the most? 😹

A. Breaking up before chewing.

B. Breaking up after chewing.

Why did the African child wake up suddenly? Because he was being sexually abused.

Repeat after me: shut up; shut up; I don’t shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣