What did you call a school that got blown up?
Ups Jokes
My sis came up to me and said, "Mom told me to take the trash out for the rest of the year."
"So, uh, you free tomorrow?" π
So, I walked up to my grandma and I said, "What color would you be on a rainbow cupcake?" She just turned 61, ok, ok. So I'm like, "I got it, I got it, ok, ok." She's like: "Ok, what color?" I say: "Grey."
I waved to you before, but you never sea me because you're so washed up.
I prank called someone and I said, "Is there a Missis Wall there?" They said no. Is there a Mr. Wall there? They said no. Are there any Walls there? They said no. Then what's holding up your building?
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he was always COOKING UP RHYMES!
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he knew how to mix up some beats!
Yo mama so fat that you need a jack stand to get her up.
What did the ass say to the joke?
"You crack me up!"
What is a terrorist's favorite song?
"Pumped Up Kicks."
Why should you never trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
What does the EPA issue when a person stinks up a room with their smelly farts?
Air quality alert code brown!
Iβm trying to see things from LEOβS perspective... but I just can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
What do you call a booty that can sing?
A crack-up!
Not a joke, but here's a good workout, I guess:
Sit-ups: 50
Push-ups: 40
Squats: 30
Do 5 sets.
A mathematics professor arrived home at 3 am drunk.
His wife was up waiting for him.
"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled.
He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."
What's the difference between a cop and bacon?
Bacon is full of fat and makes you feel good. A cop is full of shit and will make you feel their hot steamy cock as they ram it up your ass with some justice sprinkled on top.
Bully: Shut up, motherfucker!
Me: Well, stop talking to me and I won't have to keep fucking your mother.
Do you wanna eat makeup, 'cause you're not pretty on the inside?
What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
