Ups jokes

Did you know that your son has been deeper inside of your wife than you have...unless you put the coat hanger up there?

This kid lost Kahoot, so he shot up the school.

Me: What did my sister do when she dressed up as Elsa and I gave her a balloon?

You: What?

Me: She let it go, let it go!

If you are disabled and a comedian, is it called stand-down or sit-up?

People are so f***ed up. I belated "Frickin' BTW!"

So a lady came up to me today at the bank, and she asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"

This mute kid was getting made fun of. I told him to speak up for himself.

What is the best way to make a leaf?

Go down, back around, and stir up a tree. Make it spin, watch again. Oven baking, ding, we're done!

Win a free ride in a police car! Just pick up a knife and use it!

What did the undershirt say to the T-shirt when they were fighting?

"If you don't shut up right now, you're gonna lose your shirt!!!"

Get it?

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Yesterday I had a party.

I got questioned about five dead kids locked up in a box.

I did that when I was 13. Damn, I forgot about them!

What did you call a school that got blown up?

My sis came up to me and said, "Mom told me to take the trash out for the rest of the year."

"So, uh, you free tomorrow?" 😂

So, I walked up to my grandma and I said, "What color would you be on a rainbow cupcake?" She just turned 61, ok, ok. So I'm like, "I got it, I got it, ok, ok." She's like: "Ok, what color?" I say: "Grey."

I waved to you before, but you never sea me because you're so washed up.

I prank called someone and I said, "Is there a Missis Wall there?" They said no. Is there a Mr. Wall there? They said no. Are there any Walls there? They said no. Then what's holding up your building?

Why did the rapper become a chef?

Because he knew how to mix up some beats!

Yo mama so fat that you need a jack stand to get her up.