Ups jokes
Why should you never trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
What does the EPA issue when a person stinks up a room with their smelly farts?
Air quality alert code brown!
What did the rapper say to his microwave?
"Yo, heat it up, fam!"
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he was always COOKING UP RHYMES!
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he knew how to mix up some beats!
I’m trying to see things from LEO’S perspective... but I just can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
Not a joke, but here's a good workout, I guess:
Sit-ups: 50
Push-ups: 40
Squats: 30
Do 5 sets.
A mathematics professor arrived home at 3 am drunk.
His wife was up waiting for him.
"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled.
He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."
What is a terrorist's favorite song?
"Pumped Up Kicks."
What do you call a booty that can sing?
A crack-up!
I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would probably go up in flames.
What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
I prank called someone and I said, "Is there a Missis Wall there?" They said no. Is there a Mr. Wall there? They said no. Are there any Walls there? They said no. Then what's holding up your building?
I waved to you before, but you never sea me because you're so washed up.
My sis came up to me and said, "Mom told me to take the trash out for the rest of the year."
"So, uh, you free tomorrow?" 😂
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Maserati.
Maserati who?
Why don't you clean up this Maserati?
"Is Mrs. Wall here?"
"No."
"Is Mr. Wall here?"
"No."
"Then what is holding up the walls?"
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?"
Did you walk up Stephen Hawking's drive?
Don’t worry, he didn’t either.
My friend dreamed of being a porno star.
He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.
The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!