Ups jokes
Why don't molestation victims speak up about their trauma? Because it's a touchy topic.
Do you wanna eat makeup, 'cause you're not pretty on the inside?
Bully: Shut up, motherfucker!
Me: Well, stop talking to me and I won't have to keep fucking your mother.
I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.
What goes up but doesn't come down?
Memes
What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students?
A PDF file.
What do you call a booty that can sing?
A crack-up!
What did the rapper say to his microwave?
"Yo, heat it up, fam!"
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he knew how to mix up some beats!
Teacher on school bus, "Everybody sit down now, the bus is about to start."
Ben: "I’m not going to sit down. I don’t want to."
Teacher: "You have to, or else you have to get off the bus."
Teacher: "*stands up*"
Ben: "Then you should get off the bus 'cause you're not sitting."
Why don't paralyzed people laugh?
They hate stand-up comedy.
I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
Joe Mama so fat when she stepped on the sidewalk, I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
Pussies and tits have one thing in common: they're both made for kids, but men end up licking or suckling them.
Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?
Siri: What’s the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!
When does an Emo wake up in the morning? After the rooster says, "Cutadoodledo!"
Why don't pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
They just wash up on shore.
Never gonna give you up.
Jeff crosses the US border.
The second he crosses into the USA, a guy comes up with a gun.
Jeff: "That's what I was expecting."
I was sitting in class when my teacher said, "Have any questions?" the suspended Class clown said, "Who's Joe?" So the teacher said, "Joe who?" So the clown said, "Joe Mama!" So I said, "What in the BALLS?" So I ended up staying in detention with the clown, ah, so cozy!