Ups jokes
Not a joke, but here's a good workout, I guess:
Sit-ups: 50
Push-ups: 40
Squats: 30
Do 5 sets.
Yo mama so fat that you need a jack stand to get her up.
I’m trying to see things from LEO’S perspective... but I just can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
What did the ass say to the joke?
"You crack me up!"
What is a terrorist's favorite song?
"Pumped Up Kicks."
What do you call a booty that can sing?
A crack-up!
I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would probably go up in flames.
What did the rapper say to his microwave?
"Yo, heat it up, fam!"
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he knew how to mix up some beats!
Bully: Shut up, motherfucker!
Me: Well, stop talking to me and I won't have to keep fucking your mother.
I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.
What goes up but doesn't come down?
When you're asked to tell a crazy story, but the first thing that comes up to your mind is a suicide attempt:
"Oh, I don't remember anything in particular. 😅😀"
What is the best revenge for getting punished at school?
Go shoot up the school.
When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant:
Did you get seafood without me? It smells like fish.
Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?
Siri: What’s the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!
Why don't paralyzed people laugh?
They hate stand-up comedy.
Do you wanna eat makeup, 'cause you're not pretty on the inside?
Freddy: I'm coming for you >:)
Me: God, no, help!
*game notification pops up with very loud sound*
Shut up with that Vegeta looking hairline!