Teacher: What do you want when you grow up?
That depressed kid in class: Dead.
Ups Jokes
The parents used to hit him.
His parents got into a car crash and died.
He became an orphan in an orphanage. The people there hit him. He looked up and said "Parents?"
Cancer kids be like: "When I grow up... lol nevermind."
This joke never gets old. Just like the child.
A disabled man stands up.
A blind man says, "You can stand?"
A deaf man says, "You can see?"
A mute person says, "You can hear?"
The disabled man says, "You can talk!"
Doctor: "What the actual f**k"
Why is Donald Trump under so much stress?
Because he signed up to be on an album where somebody says "no love for the rich" on it.
My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?
Why can't orphans sign up for sports?
They have to have a parent's signature.
Kalyn: Mrs. Frizzle,
Mrs. Frizzle: Sure.
Kalyn: Can you spell I-C-U-P for me?
Mrs. Frizzle: Shut up, you little fucktard!
One knight, a king, and a queen went fishing. They each caught one fish, so how did three fish end up in the bucket?
One "knight"!!!
Do you put a baby in the microwave covered or uncovered?
Covered, it can take weeks to clean up the explosion.
A B C D E F G.
Gummy bears are chasing me, one is red, one is blue. One is chewing up my shoe. Now I'm running for my life because the red one's got a knife!
Why did the cake say to the scammer? "I'll scam you up!"
I had the BEST day EVER.
1: I woke up.
2: I met someone I'm sad about.
3: I had fun and got them back again online.
But sadly the order was 2nd, 3rd, 1st... XD
What goes up but never comes down?
Water in Australia.
I put my leg up in the air sometimes, singing ayo, I'm a flamingo...
What goes up but never past the digits 15?
A Make-A-Wish kid...
What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
Donibobes is an owl. (hehe look up donibobes YT!)
What do pedophiles do when they wake up?
Turn on the child safety lock on the car.
I like my women like my coffee—ground up and frozen.
