Ups jokes
Why can't orphans sign up for sports?
They have to have a parent's signature.
Kalyn: Mrs. Frizzle,
Mrs. Frizzle: Sure.
Kalyn: Can you spell I-C-U-P for me?
Mrs. Frizzle: Shut up, you little fucktard!
One knight, a king, and a queen went fishing. They each caught one fish, so how did three fish end up in the bucket?
One "knight"!!!
Do you put a baby in the microwave covered or uncovered?
Covered, it can take weeks to clean up the explosion.
A B C D E F G.
Gummy bears are chasing me, one is red, one is blue. One is chewing up my shoe. Now I'm running for my life because the red one's got a knife!
Why did the cake say to the scammer? "I'll scam you up!"
I had the BEST day EVER.
1: I woke up.
2: I met someone I'm sad about.
3: I had fun and got them back again online.
But sadly the order was 2nd, 3rd, 1st... XD
What goes up but never comes down?
Water in Australia.
I put my leg up in the air sometimes, singing ayo, I'm a flamingo...
What goes up but never past the digits 15?
A Make-A-Wish kid...
What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
Donibobes is an owl. (hehe look up donibobes YT!)
What do pedophiles do when they wake up?
Turn on the child safety lock on the car.
I like my women like my coffee—ground up and frozen.
If you don't like my spelling, Explain Bear, have you realized I'm a duck and you are a bear? I've got more internet power and meme power, so shut the duck up and get a life and stay off my property and the internet.
What do you call a booty that tells jokes?
A crack-up!
What's up, bitches? Miss me?
Bully: Shut up.
Me: I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up.
A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"
The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."
I went up to an orphan bully and I said, "Here, look, I made a website!"
The orphan likes it, but the kid says, "I forgot one feature, though... the home button."