If you don't like my spelling, Explain Bear, have you realized I'm a duck and you are a bear? I've got more internet power and meme power, so shut the duck up and get a life and stay off my property and the internet.
Ups Jokes
What do you call a booty that tells jokes?
A crack-up!
What's up, bitches? Miss me?
Bully: Shut up.
Me: I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up.
A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"
The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."
I went up to an orphan bully and I said, "Here, look, I made a website!"
The orphan likes it, but the kid says, "I forgot one feature, though... the home button."
Had an amazing night with this girl, woke up, and it was my aunt. Now I’m in love.
When did I wake up?
At the quack of dawn!
What if Stephen Hawking was the Real Slim Shady, but no one knew because he couldn't stand up?
What's the fastest way to Shepherd's Bush?
Up Shepherd's leg.
I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"
A guy was annoyed in a store. I walk up to him and said, "What's wrong, buddy? Don't worry, it's not like you're on an abandoned isle!"
The cop that is on a 12 o'clock shift says, "Hands up!"
I drew a picture of Colby.
Too bad it got ripped up 😢
"Harry Hicks smells of home. Homo is an infection, and infections are made up of atoms."
Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.
I had to stop drinking because I got tired of waking up in my car, driving 90.
I'm gonna open up a bar for emos.
I think I'll call it "The Cutting Board."
Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"
So, I was walking down the path of my life with Bigfoot, noticing the two pairs of footprints, mine and his.
One day, I notice his prints are gone. I look up to him and say, "You had promised you would always be there for me. How is this possible?"
He then looks me straight in the eyes and says, "Raw!"
