Ups jokes
This mute kid was getting made fun of. I told him to speak up for himself.
What is the best way to make a leaf?
Go down, back around, and stir up a tree. Make it spin, watch again. Oven baking, ding, we're done!
Win a free ride in a police car! Just pick up a knife and use it!
What did the undershirt say to the T-shirt when they were fighting?
"If you don't shut up right now, you're gonna lose your shirt!!!"
Get it?
Hey y'all, you want to read something funny? Then look up "Greater Tuna" OID and read the script. It's the best. I'm performing it for an OID (Oral Interpretation of Drama) and it kicks ass. Check it out. Also, the name I'm using is my Roblox Username. Friend me.
Memes
Yesterday I had a party.
I got questioned about five dead kids locked up in a box.
I did that when I was 13. Damn, I forgot about them!
What did you call a school that got blown up?
My sis came up to me and said, "Mom told me to take the trash out for the rest of the year."
"So, uh, you free tomorrow?" 😂
So, I walked up to my grandma and I said, "What color would you be on a rainbow cupcake?" She just turned 61, ok, ok. So I'm like, "I got it, I got it, ok, ok." She's like: "Ok, what color?" I say: "Grey."
I waved to you before, but you never sea me because you're so washed up.
I prank called someone and I said, "Is there a Missis Wall there?" They said no. Is there a Mr. Wall there? They said no. Are there any Walls there? They said no. Then what's holding up your building?
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he knew how to mix up some beats!
Yo mama so fat that you need a jack stand to get her up.
What did the ass say to the joke?
"You crack me up!"
What is a terrorist's favorite song?
"Pumped Up Kicks."
Why should you never trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
What does the EPA issue when a person stinks up a room with their smelly farts?
Air quality alert code brown!
What do you call a booty that can sing?
A crack-up!
Not a joke, but here's a good workout, I guess:
Sit-ups: 50
Push-ups: 40
Squats: 30
Do 5 sets.
A mathematics professor arrived home at 3 am drunk.
His wife was up waiting for him.
"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled.
He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."