I read a sign. What it meant to say is, "You matter, don't give up." What I read was, "You don't matter, give up."
Ups Jokes
I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.
What goes up but doesn't come down?
I walked up to 2 people kissing and stared.
After a little while, they asked me if I minded. I said no, I don’t mind.
My friend dreamed of being a porno star.
He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.
The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!
A guy walks up to me and says, "I wonder if the hookman is real?"
I reply saying, "Yeah, it's Asa Hutchinson, lol."
Did you walk up Stephen Hawking's drive?
Don’t worry, he didn’t either.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?"
You know what should give up and stay dead?
Fortnite.
Q: Why do Skeletons hate the cold?
A: It sends chills up their spine.
Shut the hell up with all these Stephen Hawking jokes, hahah. I wanna kms.
Jimmy asks an elevator operator what he thinks of his job.
The operator shrugs and says, "It has its ups and downs!"
Walk up to an adopted kid and ask this, "How's your biological parents? Are they well?"
I fucked a chick named Macy, but she had dyslexia.
So I ended up doing the YMCA.
Why did the biology teacher break up with the physics teacher?
Because there was no chemistry...
Yo, Rob, you forgot to pay me cause you sucky sucky my thang.
AKA, you're up for adoption.
Eggs are so egg-cellent that they are sunny-side up.
"Is Mrs. Wall here?"
"No."
"Is Mr. Wall here?"
"No."
"Then what is holding up the walls?"
What does the egg do after the pan told him a joke?
He cracked up!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Maserati.
Maserati who?
Why don't you clean up this Maserati?
