Ups jokes

What is the best way to make a leaf?

Go down, back around, and stir up a tree. Make it spin, watch again. Oven baking, ding, we're done!

2, 4, 6, 8, you're staying up too late.

2, 4, 6, 8, all I do is master bait.

Hey y'all, you want to read something funny? Then look up "Greater Tuna" OID and read the script. It's the best. I'm performing it for an OID (Oral Interpretation of Drama) and it kicks ass. Check it out. Also, the name I'm using is my Roblox Username. Friend me.

Yesterday I had a party.

I got questioned about five dead kids locked up in a box.

I did that when I was 13. Damn, I forgot about them!

What goes up stairs but doesn't move? Stairs! Laugh now!

What did you call a school that got blown up?

What did the undershirt say to the T-shirt when they were fighting?

"If you don't shut up right now, you're gonna lose your shirt!!!"

Get it?

A sister went to her brother's room and says,

"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"

"Yes, sis."

"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)

"My pet snake."

"Can I pet it?"

"Yes."

He wakes up in a hospital.

"What happened?"

"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."

"You dummy!"

"Whaaat?"

Ebay is so useless. I tried searching up lighters, and all they had was 13,749 matches.

So, I walked up to my grandma and I said, "What color would you be on a rainbow cupcake?" She just turned 61, ok, ok. So I'm like, "I got it, I got it, ok, ok." She's like: "Ok, what color?" I say: "Grey."

Me: What did my sister do when she dressed up as Elsa and I gave her a balloon?

You: What?

Me: She let it go, let it go!

Did you know that your son has been deeper inside of your wife than you have...unless you put the coat hanger up there?

Sorry man... I kinda messed those things up.

This kid lost Kahoot, so he shot up the school.

An orphan walked up to the lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand, "Hey, bum, bum, bum, got a family?"

This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"

My sis came up to me and said, "Mom told me to take the trash out for the rest of the year."

"So, uh, you free tomorrow?" 😂

Did you walk up Stephen Hawking's drive?

Don’t worry, he didn’t either.

"Is Mrs. Wall here?"

"No."

"Is Mr. Wall here?"

"No."

"Then what is holding up the walls?"

Q: Why do Skeletons hate the cold?

A: It sends chills up their spine.