Two jokes

Two people walk down the road. One says to the other, "Mitch, we passed Weight Watchers 2 minutes ago." He responds, "Jake, the noodle shop is just here. You've been carrying that sh*t on your head for 14 years!"

So two guys walk into a bar. One says, "Can I have something to drink?"

The other says, "You wish!" LOLOLOLOLOLOLO dab on the haters - Jake Paul wreeeeecckkked.................... DABDABDABDBABABDBABDBABDBABDBDABDBsabBaDBAD,,,,,,,,,,five fo e the winners. KILL MATPAT, THE EARTH IS FLAT AND A DONUT

Why did 1 eat 2?

'Cause he was hungry.

People named Aaron are annoying. Why have two A’s when you can have none? (Ron)

What is the difference between human rights and the Earth?

The Earth has been to be between two games a year after school, a time and fun game that has.

Two whales went to a bar.

The first whale said, "oooooooohhhhhh." The second whale said, "Greg, I think you're drunk, let's go home."

All go gansta until the two towers fall down on you.

I have two balls. Gay people have 23456789.

Yo mamma so dumb, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.

The phrase “Muslim women live in one of the hottest countries in the world and they can’t even expose their legs” has two meanings.

I told a disabled kid to get in my van. Well, it’s been two years, and he still hasn’t gotten into the van.

What do you call an Indian eating cows? Mooove to jail.

Two Chinese men walk into a bar.

"Owwwwwwwwwww," they say instead of "ouch."

My two moods are “I can’t believe I get to be a person” and “I can’t believe I have to be a person.”

So two dudes were at a bar and out of nowhere they hear, "Oi mate, talk to me like that again, I'm gonna shove this stick so far up your ass you'll look like a Popsicle."

Son: Dad, what are those two huge balloons on mommy's chest?

Dad: I don't see balloons, but I see boobs. I mean, yes, balloons.

Son: Are you sure they're balloons? Yesterday I heard Uncle Frank trying to get a milk dispenser working.

What’s the difference between a boomerang and an orphan's parents?

One of the two actually came back.😂

I hate two-faced people because I don’t know which face to slap first. :)

Two gays came into the bar and said, "What's up, you big faf mother of hell?"

A twin engine has two engines.

If one engine stops, the other will have just enough power to get the plane to the scene of the accident.